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30 Year Old Virgin: Why I’m Waiting for Marriage to Have Sex

by WDN

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Tomorrow is my 30th birthday. I am officially a 30-year-old virgin. While this may be shocking for some, I know A LOT of women in the same boat with me. I struggled with sharing my story, because of people’s doubt and disbelief. Then it dawned on me that I’d be remiss not to give all the glory to God for what HE did in my sex life, not me. So, here it is.
My family always calls me scary and it’s semi-true, lol. “What was that noise?”, “Why is that man standing over there?” I was known for being overly cautious. I guess my fearful ways spilled over into the bedroom, because the thought of having sex scared the crap out of me. See, if you think I’ve remained a virgin because I’m super holy, you’re completely wrong.

I was scared until the age of 15. It was then I started dating a guy I really liked. It wasn’t long before he began to put the pressure on me about wanting to have sex. This is when I really began to contemplate doing it. I still don’t know if my step-father’s intuition informed him of what was happening, or if he found a note in my room. I believe it to be the latter, lol. All I know is my step-father took me out and asked me a million questions about this situation. Let’s not get it twisted, he wasn’t trying to badger me AT ALL. In fact, he was schooling me on how to handle this immature high school situation, because we both knew I didn’t want to have sex with my boyfriend, but I didn’t want to lose him either. I took his advice, informing my boyfriend that I was worth the wait. Well, apparently he didn’t think so and we broke up. I lost my BOY, but I kept something so precious that is only worth giving to a MAN… my virginity.

Well, two years later at the age of 17, God got ahold of my heart and I completely gave my life to Christ. I realized I couldn’t do anything outside of God and without Him my life was pointless. Pretty deep for a 17-year-old right? Now, I wasn’t perfect. I dated my fair share of guys and kissed a bunch of frogs. However, I never compromised my Christianity by having sex before marriage. I remember when a family member THOUGHT they knew about me sleeping with someone they knew. There was another situation when a guy I was dating lied, saying we slept together. And of course there are the smart comments people would make every blue moon about me NOT being a virgin. I’ve ignored them, but let’s be clear: I heard them LOUD and CLEAR. But I’ll address that later.

We’re all grown here right? I hope so. Did you know when you have sex with someone the 2 of you become 1? “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31) When you become one with someone, it’s HARD to let them go. That’s because your body was never meant to become one with a random person in the first place.

Sex is a beautiful thing. However, it’s so beautiful and precious that God put a fence around it to protect it. That fence is marriage. Also, did you know that sexual immorality is the ONLY sin that is referenced to as “sinning against your own body”? “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commit are outside the body, but whoever sin sexually, sins against their own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18) Who really wants to sin against their own body? I’m so thankful that these were the type of conversations and bible studies I had the privilege to be involved in…that encouraged me to abstain from sex before marriage.
A few years ago, I ran into the ex-boyfriend that was pressuring me to have sex. He saw me crossing the street and honked to get my attention. We exchanged a few words and that was that. As I laid in bed later on that evening, I couldn’t help but to feel extremely grateful to God. What if I would have broken down and gave him my virginity? Only to randomly run into him on the streets years later. No mam. I totally dodged a bullet. But when I think things over, it would have been like that for EVERY relationship I was in, with the exception of my fiancé. Let’s face it, none of those relationships were leading to marriage. They all resulted in me being insecure, feeling rejected, and heart broken. I’m almost sure the pain would have been worse, if I’d given myself to them physically. Talk about an ungodly soul tie for real.

It’s funny how society tries to flip the script and make it seem like if you’re not having sex before marriage, you’re being uptight and ridiculous. Listen, God knows what he is doing. He’s sparing us from a whole lot of unnecessary drama: Single parenting, STD’s, broken hearts, etc. However, we’re only human and I’m aware that this type of drama unfortunately occurs in marriages sometimes. We never understand why, especially when people commit their life to someone before God, family, and friends. All we can do is pray.
Now, I’m no angel and I don’t want you to think it was easy. It was HARD. I remember praying to God like “I’m getting too old not to be sexually active. A sister has needs.” Let me tell you, our wedding date is September 27, 2014 and I am BEYOND ecstatic. I can finally see the light! I’ll be giving my husband a gift no one has EVER gotten from me. It was so worth the wait, but I can’t stress enough that it was solely the power of God. He can keep you, if you want to be kept. This is why I decided to share my story with you or shall I say, testimony.
I don’t care if people believe me or not. All I can do is give glory to God and speak on what he’s done. Of course it seems impossible to remain a virgin in a sex driven culture, but my God is greater. Purity is possible, and you are so worth the wait.

Written: Nikki Thompson

Photo Courtesy: SloDive

(Note: The Wedding Date was edited to keep the flow of her story intact. She actually got married on the 6th of September)


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46 comments

wemmy September 18, 2014 - 12:48 pm

so, nice.. may God help us

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pinky September 18, 2014 - 12:53 pm

Wat struck d most was wen she sed “I’ll be giving my husband a gift no one has ever gotten from me”…its a gift God gave everyone to be unwrapped in d context f marriage. Its neva late to mk a u-turn, God is still waiting 4 us!

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Nz September 18, 2014 - 1:03 pm

Beautiful, Indeed you are worth the wait.

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Nina September 18, 2014 - 1:06 pm

I’ve read your post with a huge grin on my face, the whole time. Enjoyed every bit.
But more importantly, as a another almost 30yr old virgin, i’ve been encouraged.
I didn’t write back because i can only relate, but also because i’ve been inspired.

I dated this guy who on hearing am a virgin said, “that don’t make sense”. Like i was crazy for not being with a man, any man, ever! I dumped him.

And yes, one is not a virgin because there’s has not been opportunities, because i’ve personally had a Zillion and 1 chances to have sex, but because I made the committment to keep myself with self, and with God. It’s got nothing to do with lack of opportunites, as our sick society look at it.

Nice read.

May the good Lord bless you!
Nina, Nairobi Kenya

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oghenekevwe EDIRIN Lydia September 18, 2014 - 2:00 pm

Pls I need to ask u some questions ,u’ve really motivated me ,I searched for ur name on fb bt it was too many ,pls add me on FB oghenekevwe EDIRIN Lydia , pls I really need to talk to uuu ,plssssssss thanks

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Vida September 18, 2014 - 2:59 pm

Ok so am normal after all.

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tosin September 18, 2014 - 3:10 pm

Yes ooo,purity is possible,God can help you if you desire to be helped. I also gave my husband the at age 30 last year and he”s always proud of me. Don’t let anyone despise you or pressure you into the wrong path,you van do it if you want to.

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tynu September 18, 2014 - 3:29 pm

Ur story rly struck me. I wish….

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pst Iyke September 18, 2014 - 4:53 pm

wow its good that u r a virgin, but being unmarried at 30 is not of God it is a spiritual problem

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Nike June 28, 2015 - 4:35 pm

Pst Iyke, what happened to God’s time is the best?… what happened to test of faith through tribulations and trials?…what happened to not just getting married to anybody, but for who God ordained which could be anytime?… I guess you are a pastor,..Religion teaches, Life is not a bed of roses, things happen but remain steadfast with God…hmn,..

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khemmy September 18, 2014 - 8:02 pm

Its really nice knowing there are other people out there who see their virginity as a priceless gift to their hubby……. Its actually God n ones decision to be kept

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joy September 18, 2014 - 8:25 pm

Am happy 2 hear dis,bcus I tot I was not a normal person 2 be a virgin in dis corrupt world,tank God 4 his grace over our lives,@pst iyke gettin married @ 30 2 me doesn’t seem 2 be a spiritual problem,we re all different and has different destinies,some might marry @ age 18,21,25,28etc and find it hard 2 concieve,but some @ d age of 30,35,38etc might concieve once,so God kwns d best 4 each of us

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whyte September 18, 2014 - 8:45 pm

Am also inspired by ur words,am also a virgin and I told God if I dnt get married diz year,am gonna give it out by d beginning of nxt year bt thank God I came across diz inspiring words of yours,i pray God gives me d strength to hold on untill his time.

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Name* September 18, 2014 - 11:23 pm

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Rony September 19, 2014 - 5:08 am

Absolutely inspiring. God bless u. Really it isn’t easy like I’m past that and my hormones are ragging seriously in d past 6 months but I know that Gods grace is sufficient. Thanks for sharing about time we begin to redefine those ancient landmarks for d world to remember!

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Twinkle Toes September 19, 2014 - 8:04 am

Hello, dear ~

I was very touched by your piece (“30-year-old Virgin”). May I tell you my story?

God was very kind to me: even when I was little I had a horror of marrying the wrong man. Not a fear of sex, just a conviction that marriage was something so important, and of course permanent, that I had only once chance to get it right, and if I got it wrong then for the rest of my life my walk-with-God would be only a limp, and I would feel regret and limitation the rest of my life.

Of course I’m human, and I like hugs and kisses as much as anyone else. My biggest temptation came in High School with my first boyfriend. I knew he hadn’t dedicated his life to God, but I thought I could change him. He almost changed me. One night in particular we were at his house when his parents weren’t home, and he was pulling me down on the bed on top of him. I was 100% convinced that if I had sex outside marriage I would go to hell and burn forever, so God helped me lock my arm and not bend down on him. After I got home I cried and cried with regret that I hadn’t gone all the way, I wanted him so much.

Over time, I thought so much about Hell and Eternity that I prayed this prayer: Unless my marrying a man would result in him, and me, and others all getting closer to God, I didn’t want to get married. (A good relationship with God is more important than any relationship with a man.)

Waiting is hard; considering marriage as a mere option is harder. But once one feels the totally superior kind of love we can experience in the Spirit of God which He gives us through Jesus Christ, we recognize sex as the second-rate thing it is.

At one point, when I was mixed up enough to try to be “super-Christian” I thought I’d be super-holy by just swearing off marriage altogether and taking a vow of celibacy. I took a long, hard look at that (“counting the cost”) and the longer I was at that point, the more the rest of my life became unsettled and upset, emotionally. I found myself resenting married people and resenting single people, impatient with myself and furious with everyone else.

This loss of Peace told me that such a vow was not meant for my life. It can be a very, very good thing, as Apostle Paul teaches, but “it’s not for everyone,” as Jesus teaches. I finally wised up and left it in God’s hands.

He started showing me things: Sex is spiritual. When “two become one” that’s a union of their spirits. Our spirits aren’t designed for multiple partners, just like our bodies aren’t; they both get sick.

Also, spirits (angels, demons, etc.) are not female. Among sentient beings, femininity is unique to the humans God created. That’s why they are a prize that should be protected.

Also, Christ compares His Love for us to a young man’s love for his fiancee. He wants us all to Himself, and He won’t share us with anyone else, because we are so special to Him. The best intimacy with Him is yet to come, so we have to wait for it, remaining faithful and pure the whole time. (“For then we shall know Him fully, even as fully as He has known us!”)

Believe it or not, this continued into my thirties, and I came to think of myself as having a very long (and mostly happy) childhood. I NEVER had to worry about pregnancy, divorce, STD’s, or any of the headaches and heartaches of raising kids.

I could actually focus on important things: life in the Spirit, in all it’s fullness and richness. I feel sorry for anyone who has not experienced being an adult virgin. It’s sad that society has so few people like that.

When I was getting close to 40, God was getting through to me that He did want me to marry, soon. I was actually upset! Who was this man who wanted to take away my freedom? I had no idea how I could serve God and please a man at the same time.

Here we go again: God is being kind and patient, teaching me things and getting me past my pride and fear-of-the-unknown. I’m beginning to relax, and warm up to the idea.

Even though I haven’t met the fellow yet, I’m feeling all giddy like a young girl looking forward to what’s coming … which is a miracle, considering that next year will be my sixtieth birthday.

Love,
– Twinkletoes

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zizi April 24, 2015 - 7:12 pm

Aaaaaaahhhhh otioo, twinkle toe, your case is finished ooo, so so old.it’s well with you. Amen

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jojo September 19, 2014 - 10:12 am

This is really inspiring. I 26 now and i used to be or maybe still a virgin(i dn’t really know as it stands now). But all i know is that i have never had a penile sexual experience,i.e no penis has ever entered me,and i dnt know how the experience feels. I am not a lesbian still,all my life i have wanted to dedicate my body to God until marriage but some how during my NYSC i got trapped in hot romance, partly because i thought i could keep my boy friend that way,(cos i have lost so many of them since i wouldn’t compromise,and so i felt so lonely etc)and because i was so inquisitive to have a close feeling of how real sex is like. It almost landed me in trouble cos he wld use his penis just on the surface of my private part,we wld kiss,frolic etc but would not have a real penetration. I regretted it all,and have since totally repented and asked God for forgiveness and we have broken up long ago too. There have been pressures to have sex,but i keep living by God’s grace ,and pray to continue waiting till He blesses me with my own husband. And so seeing this article, has so much inspired me a lot to keep the faith,thank you so much for sharing.
I love kissing,hugging and petting a lot but because of God i totally have abstained from romance cos it is a sexual sin too. Best Regards.

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Fatou September 19, 2014 - 10:41 am

There are so many virgins like us out there and its so inspiring to know you not alone! 🙂 and i decided to continue waiting until i get married to break my virginity because i do not want to be a fornicator. for me its not about sex before marriage OR GETTING PREGNANT OR GETTING AN STI but “fornication” and how one sins against God and against their own body. That keeps me feeling good and confident that despite my beauty and the many requests presented before me, I am able to keep my body under control and frankly i just make sure i avoid all situations that can lead me into temptations of course with the help of the Holy Spirit because I am human too. I know God is watching me, and i do not want to disappoint him.

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Audrey September 19, 2014 - 11:22 am

I got married as a virgin at age 31, am enjoying all the benefits that comes with it, it worth the wait…..Happy married life darling!!

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Leela September 20, 2014 - 10:10 am

Got married at 27and was a virgin. Best decision and my hubby loves me forever for that decision. I was mocked, ridiculed, hurt and got my heart broken cos of it. But here I am, I survived and you all can too. God bless

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Onos September 20, 2014 - 10:24 am

Its so inspiring to know that I am not the only one who thinks virginity is a pride and worth keeping…I like to hear more of this…and may God continue to keep us strong and gives us the best because its worth it.I think creating our discussion platform will be more inspiring.pls what do you think?

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mo September 20, 2014 - 12:13 pm

wow!

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Suzan September 23, 2014 - 10:28 am

It really isn’t easy especially with the new age society and media. I pray God helps me.

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lily September 23, 2014 - 10:42 am

im 32 and saving sex for marriage 🙂

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Judyking September 23, 2014 - 11:04 am

In every generation God will ALWAYS have remanents. Am happy u stood for God despite the challenges,I gave mine to my Hubby @34yrs of my life. Many are still out there that are keeping their virginity. You can never be too old to be a virgin. I praise you God for all the virgins out there,am so sure you will preserve them till they meet their own husbands. That most ladies are wasting their lives with men thinking they are enjoying doesn’t make every lady out there like them. Am happy about this post. God bless your marriage girl!

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Lilly September 23, 2014 - 11:14 am

Really inspiring.

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itohan September 23, 2014 - 11:16 am

cool, am equally a 34yrs old virgin, i know what you went through, am proud of myself and you, thank you for keeping it for your husband, God will reward you.

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Name*agnes September 23, 2014 - 12:21 pm

it’s very inspiring to kwow that some are still keeping this word of the scriptures, it’s realy worth keeping and l pray lord to help us to stand till our husbands come. this month is my happy birth and l’am in a week of fasting and praying and l believe that by this time next year i will give u my testimonies too.
que DIEU nous benissent comme ns gardons sa parole, DIEU n’est pas un homme pour mentir et non le fils de l’homme pour se répentir.
just remember that GOD is not a man to lie, he will surely do what he says he will do,AMEN

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eunice September 23, 2014 - 1:42 pm

I feel this writeup was just for me,but first of all Pst Iyke, a lady getting married after 30 isn’t a spiritual issue @ all,know God well to understand some of his mysteries. That aside,i am over 30 and also a virgin,i have lost count of the number of guys that walked away from me because i said no to sex. i met one of recent who told me that it will get rotten if i dont give it away, Can you imagine! They make ladies believe that we are foolish keeping our virginity as if they are the rightful owners, mtsheeeeeeesh. God has being really faithful, because it is only by his help. i have being encouraged, to believe that we still have patient men out there, who see beyond the immediate into the blessings that come with keeping the marital bed undefiled. There are a good number of virgins out there,and i pray that God in his faithfulness will reward us in his time.

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Pamela September 23, 2014 - 2:50 pm

So inspiring.God bless ur union.I enjoyed every bit of ur write up.it was so encouragin.The good LORD who made it possible for u will give as many virgins out thr d GRACE to wait until they re married.

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tee September 23, 2014 - 4:29 pm

Thank God for your life. It is not easy keeping oneself. When you tell some people,they look down on you like you are a stain on a white dress. My decision to keep myself till marriage was when I was 10 years old. I thank God for keeping me till now,it wasn’t my own doing but God’s grace. At a very tender age I would have been molested by a neighbour then, but God intervened.
I want to give this advice; please when we become parents let us take good care of our kids especially girls. Don’t let us leave them with neighbours, friends,etc because we can’t tell who is evil.

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tee September 23, 2014 - 4:37 pm

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raspberry September 24, 2014 - 9:17 am

Thank God for keeping you. Your story is very inspiring and encouraging.

I am almost 30 and still a Virgin. Truth be told, His grace and mercy kept me. I have had my share of boyfriends who adore me for being chaste and also despise me for being miserly with my vahjayjay.
God has kept me even in the face of ragging hormones and wishing to get laid and not become an old maid . I have had attempts at it, even though I made a strong decision to keep myself for my hubby of life, I had an experience that showed me how precious and how loving God’s mercy and grace ,is sufficient to keep you once you are committed to God.
I had a BF recently, the urge to merge was so strong that day , bcos a friend was getting married , and so full of excitement and wild imaginations on how she was gonna explore on the wedding night. My hormones were very high n ovulating at and the time. I thought to myself, sex is mind blowing and beautiful. I had a strange urge that day and begged to see my BF ASAP and he asked why the urgency? I didn’t reply till he came, took me to his place. On getting there I told him I wanted him to take me and F me hard. Surprised but He attempted it cos I guess he had been in doubt about a 29year old with intact hymen and thought she’s just playing games, she will give up the pussy when she’s convinced of my love. MY ASSUMPTION.
Surprisingly, on seeing it, he said No! I can’t do This!
I honestly felt rejected and foolish for even considering to give myself away to him on a platter to have him throw it at my face.. Rejection!

I went to God and wept, asked him to forgive me for casting my pearl and making light of my dignity after all he has instructed and taught me that “the dignity of a woman is her virginity”. Later the Lord made me know that He was the one that held him back cos my destiny was at stake, generations at stake and my marriage would have been like that of my parents (broken) if I had done it.

Today, I am most thankful, that God lovingly and graciously intervened in the nick of time and has strengthened my resolve.
God’s love is so immeasurable and His love saves.
Thank you for sharing. Happy married Life!

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Kieran September 24, 2014 - 1:56 pm

Your wedding night will be painful. Poppin your cherry gonna hurt. the sex wont even be good

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adeola September 24, 2014 - 4:23 pm

I must say it’s really touchy n inspiring…I read d msg n comments very well…can’t just hold myself back cos d msgs were just meant for me…I cried in my hrt cos I think once u are a virgin it will b hard to get hubby,most men want someone who is sex-experienced…but with dis msgs I read am so convinced dat it’s gud to keep oneself. pray God keep us til d end…

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Blessing September 26, 2014 - 4:57 pm

waooo. inspiring. Thank God for His sufficient grace. @ pastor Lyke or so, getting married @30 is not too late. in short nothing is too late with God. There is a reason and purpose for everything under the earth is what the Bible says. Congrats gurl. Enjoy ur marriage to the fullest.

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Bernice December 8, 2014 - 5:20 pm

I appreciate u all 4 ur comments nd I feel motivated to keep myself till after my marriage. I’ve been in a serious relationship with a guy 4 almost a year now nd I’m glad he understands, nd we made this decision together. I pray God gives us d grace to hold on 2 d end.

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lacream March 11, 2015 - 10:50 am

Am 28 still a virgin, am proud to be that and I will still keep it till I marry.

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maureeen March 31, 2015 - 1:11 pm

You know sometimes I feel that maybe am the only guarding this virginity. Is truly by the grace of God.. Going by what we have in the trend/world now. God pls answer so many of us who are waiting for our spouse. So we do your will.

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Toyin April 24, 2015 - 6:16 am

Am inspired…blessed..and i pray d rest of us waiting…we ll make it and to everyone keeping herself its worth waiting for and.for everyone waiting …i pray God ll give us the man after his heart…we wont miss it in Jesus name (Amen)..and for those who had missed it at one point..pls reconcile with ur maker..keep urself..run away from pre marital sex…God loves u all the same.

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Daniel Chidinma April 24, 2015 - 7:02 am

Aunty,actually u r a source of encouragement to my single driven life and had loved 2 be in a greater joy than has been flashed on u. U r a gem actually.

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Adeola April 24, 2015 - 5:59 pm

I’m moved by ur story and u a a source of blessing to womanhood. I pray God strengthen us all who a in dsame shoe wit u. U a celebrated among d women of dis generation. Up u

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simi April 25, 2015 - 12:51 am

I’m so inspired, wish i’m still a virgin. Z dier anytin lyk second virginity? pls If yes den I nid to get dat. Aw do I go abt dat? Pls I nid a. Reply

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favor August 13, 2015 - 9:50 am

Stay away from sex cos fornication, its a sin

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Sara April 25, 2015 - 1:06 am

I am Sara. I am 23 and also a virgin. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years now. But my b.f and I are now on long distance relationship because my family just migrated from Nigeria to the US a year ago. My new friends who get to know an still a virgin are making life soo miserable. They tell me things like; U’re not normal, what if some guys rape you, u have to have sex a lot so that u will not have any problem during child birth, u have to have soo much experience when it comes to sex, so u will not end up cheating on your husband if he can’t satisfy u when you get married etc but THANK YOU for sharing this. I am soo inspired with this and all the comments. After reading this, I think I have to change my friends, and I pray I can hold on to my virginity till I get married to my husband.

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