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Home Couples Forum Are You A Bad Spouse?

Are You A Bad Spouse?

by Mo Aremu

woman_infidelity

6 Signs To Know You Are A Bad Spouse

You do not listen

Are you someone who likes to talk and talk all the time? If so then the chances are that you are a bad listener and your spouse is tired of having no one who’ll listen to them. Hearing and listening are very different things. If you are quietly hearing what your partner is saying without paying much attention to the subject matter then that’s not listening. Listening takes effort and concentration especially if your partner has communication problems. Honestly ask yourself if you really listen to your partner or just pretend to listen while dreaming silly day dreams in your head

You Don’t talk
As important listening is, talking is just as important if not more. The opposite extreme is of the partner who never talks. You might be a good listener but you also need to be able to express your own feelings well. If you can’t do that then your partner will never be able to know how you really feel. It is important to be able to talk and express your feelings and point of views, without which the relationship is bound to fail sooner or later. You can’t expect your partner to instinctively understand your every thought without you vocalizing it or communicating in any other way.

You work a lot
If you are a workaholic then chances are that your relationship isn’t going well. How can it when you spend most of your time at work. A lot of people just need to work a lot to stay happy. Such people try to justify their addiction to work by rationalizing that they are doing it for their family’s sake. But the best thing you can give your family is not money but time. If you are a workaholic and stay a workaholic even after finding an interesting partner then you are a bad spouse.

You are controlling
If you are the kind of person who likes to stay in charge then you could be a bad spouse. It all depends on how extreme this part of your nature is. If you want to control so much that you manipulate and bully and dominate the other person completely then you are definitely a bad spouse. You might think that you are doing it for their benefit but it’s just a rationalization. The best thing you can do for anyone is to help them be independent

You try to flatter
The opposite of the controlling manipulative type is the people pleaser. Some people are just submissive and try to please everyone they meet. They do this the most with their partner. So much that it becomes flattery. While this might help inflate the ego of your partner and might work for a while, it’s not a recipe for a successful marriage. Just as dominating isn’t right, submitting isn’t right either. Both partners need to be independent and co-dependent in a delicate balance.

You can not control your anger
If you are one of those people who get angry at small things all the time then you are going to make a bad spouse in spite of whatever good qualities you have. The truth is that there will be fights in a marriage and if you can’t control your anger it will be very hard for your partner to always love you. If you’ve ever hit your partner then you should just accept that you are the worst type of partner out there. If you just verbally abusive when you are angry, you don’t win any prizes either. The hallmark of a good spouse is to stay calm during arguments and always be civil and respect their partner.

Note: This post is to help you improve in your marriage, take the criticisms as gifts!

Culled from topyabs.com

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5 comments

sanusi dammy June 27, 2014 - 7:42 am

Nice write up.

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Damie June 27, 2014 - 8:55 am

I totally disagree with the line that says “submitting isn’t right either”. Flattery and submission are totally different. Flattery is pretense, submission comes from the heart, willfully sacrificing to the will of another, making compromises to allow peace reign.

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Doreen June 27, 2014 - 11:04 am

Plz WDN I sent something to your mail. Kindly help me post it plz… am waiting

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Nike June 27, 2014 - 12:07 pm

Very well composed. i find myself doing one there. Thanks for the tip.

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cornel July 28, 2014 - 8:04 am

I strongly support Damie. I do not agree with those lines that condemn submission in marriage or in relationship. Without submission, compromise, yielding, no relationship can survive. Yes, to be sincere, I see myself doing one of these things. I’ll try to work at it. Imperfect me!

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