It is a good feeling to love and feel loved by your partner. And when we love, we become emotionally attached to our partner which makes us vulnerable to each other- vulnerable not only to being hurt by our partner’s opinions of and feelings toward us but, also vulnerable to being affected by our partner’s bad moods.
We may have comforting words to say to our colleagues at work simply because no emotional attachment is involved but to our partner, it is different.
When our partner becomes depressed or sad or angry or anxious, however, our own emotions are often triggered in unpleasant ways. Just what can we do to manage our own bad moods that arise as a result of our partner’s?
- Identify and understand your reactions to your partner’s bad moods: Moods are contagious. Often—but certainly not always—your reaction to your partner’s mood will be to mimic it (i.e., he’s down so you become down; she’s angry so you become angry, and so on).
- Take responsibility for your own mood and not your partner’s: Your own emotional reaction to your partner’s bad mood, if indulged and expressed, will often make a bad situation worse. When your spouse is angry, and you get angry at him/her for being angry, it only makes the matter worse. So you need to control your mood and know what to say or how to act when you try to comfort your spouse.
- Who we are, turns out largely as a function of who we are with: For example, how you feel and behave one way with your family and another with your friends—and yet another with your co-workers and boss? Those around us exert far more of an influence on who we are than we perhaps realize—not by their conscious intention, but by being who they are themselves.
- Develop a strategy ahead of time: It’s amazing how easy it is to fall into the trap of believing we have in some way caused our partner’s bad mood even when we haven’t- if that is the case you may either let the anger subside before commenting on the issue.
- It will definitely pass: All moods are temporal. The key is to find a place of equanimity while your partner is in a bad mood. You may feel bad for your partner, as well as bad yourself. Ideally, you’d like to become a person who, when your partner is in a bad mood, remains not only perfectly supportive, but also internally intact.
In conclusion, you need to understand and identify the cause of the bad mood of your partner. When you know why, you can definitely know how to manage the scene.