Being an oil worker wife is not easy, you have to cope with staying alone for weeks or even months with your kids, you become a mom, dad, disciplinarian, cook, maid, chauffeur, nurse, bookkeeper, scheduler, tutor etc. Some have even had the experience of being alone while they are pregnant, giving birth or doing the naming ceremonies. It can be stressful dealing with the difficult schedules of our Oilfield Men. The following are some rules that can help to maintain a good relationship while dealing with the pressures of an oilfield marriage.
1. Do not resent your husband for leaving. It is not easy for him also. You are left alone with the all responsibilities, but it’s not like he’s leaving on vacation. Neither of you has the “easy” job; you are both essentially taking one for the team, so you need to be a team. Both jobs are equally hard and sacrificial (in different ways).
2. Accept your emotions. It is OK to be sad when he leaves; you never need to act like it’s easy. It will get easier. It will become routine. But it will always be hard, that never changes. Give some extra cuddles to the kids (or pets, or whatever your case may be) and just be sad together.
3. Do not leave him out of your daily routine while he’s gone. Whether it’s a video call, a game of words with friends, an email, or a quick text, you need to stay connected daily, no matter how busy you are. Keep him up to date on the little things – the daily details. Video skyping (or face time) is a great way to stay in touch, it really helps when the kids can physically see dad while he’s gone. He maintains his role as a part of our everyday life whether he’s here or not.
4. Support each other. It is going to be stressful when you have to deal with issues and you are not together. The stress can take its toll, but instead of lashing out at each other or breaking each other down, you need to build each other up. Stand united. Remember that even during the difficult times you are working together for the greater good of your family. Never tell him to choose between his family and his work; you have to be supportive at all times.
5. Pray. Pray for your husband. Pray together. Pray for each other. They face a lot of risk working on the rig so you have to always pray for them as they go.
At such period when he is away, what can you do so as not to feel too bored?
1. Get a network of very close friends that are experiencing the same thing as you. In that way, you get people to talk to and visit each other. With close friends, you get to be yourself and they understand how you are feeling. Your close friends are your emergency contacts in case of any issue when your husband is not around.
2. Get out of the house. If you stay home all day you will go insane. Your kids will go insane and your house will be insanely messy. Even if you just go outside, GET OUT of your house. Get fresh air; see fresh faces.Look for something to do so you are not always at home and feeling bored.
3. Make out time to unwind with your friends. Go on a “date” to your favorite restaurant together; go to the mall or a party, Dates aren’t just for couples. Set aside time each month to meet up with your friends as a group or one-on-one.
Always expect that your husband can be called to the rig at any time so always be prepared.
Overall, things run smoothly when we both do our part and help each other wherever possible.
Author: YETUNDE OPALEYE