Couples Forum: My Fiance Wants Me Back After Beating Me Up Mercilessly - Wedding Digest Naija
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Couples Forum: My Fiance Wants Me Back After Beating Me Up Mercilessly

by WDN

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Straight from the Heart……….Kindly Advice

I met my boyfriend 2yrs ago. I was 20years then while he was 30yrs. He proposed to me last month. My introduction is 27th of this month. Yesterday, I visited my boyfriend, he asked me to eat his food and I refused to eat because we had an argument and I was still angry. (My boyfriend tells his friends everything that happens between us. Whenever I tell him it isn’t right, he defends himself by saying he wants to learn from married men. Few days ago one of his married friend called me and told me that he doesn’t want to hear anything bad about me again. He advised me for over 30mins. It was really embarrassing especially because the advice came from a married man that sleeps with different women. I confronted my boyfriend and he didn’t see a single thing wrong in what happened. I was still angry because he didn’t want us to talk about it. He never listens to me because I am far younger in age and education wise. He lies to me a lot and sees nothing wrong with it. Yesterday was the worst day of my life, my boyfriend beat me up because I didn’t eat. He hit my head on the ground, beat the hell out of me, threatened me with a knife. I tried to fight back but he was stronger. It came as a shock, my arm is swollen, bruises all over my body. I can’t believe that a PhD holder did this to me. I thought I would die. He kept on hitting me with belt, blowing me with his fist, like an animal. As if he wanted me to die, but I refused to die. Even when I begged for mercy, he hit me harder. He kept on saying that he would be beating me now because I am very stubborn. I never knew how bad to abuse a woman is, until yesterday. The pain from someone that loves you. I had a close shave with death yesterday. I left his house in pains yesterday trying to hide my bruised face and body from people.
He called to beg today. He still wants the marriage to hold.

Please I need your advice. Should I tell my family and friends what happened and tell them we are no longer getting married? Or should I just go on with the marriage hoping he won’t repeat what he did again? Whatever happens(marriage or not) I will deal with him, I don’t think I can ever forgive him.

Thanks for your candid opinions.

Anonymous


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60 comments

abi April 1, 2013 - 8:17 pm

My dear, sorry you had to go through this. I don’t know you from adam but i beg you with all that i have, in the name of God, pack your load and run as fast and as far as your legs can carry you. Please do not listen to any begging that he might do or to anyone that says you should stay. It will be in your best interests and for your own sanity’s sake, to forgive him but under no circumstance should you sit around in an abusive relationship. you are not married and he is ok with laying his hands on you. I don’t want to imagine what will happen after you are married, or to your children if you stay in this relationship. You will find someone else, please run and make sure to tell your family why.

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Cheryl April 1, 2013 - 8:23 pm

Put some running shoes on and run like the DEVIL is chasing you as far away from him as you can . You think that beating was bad wait till you marry him.

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Adenike April 1, 2013 - 8:24 pm

Thank God for the revelation of who he was….pls pls Don’t go back to such relationship ,Talkless of marriage………….Do u remember Mr arowolo and his wife….the banker dat is how she died for love ooo…the case is still on court.be wise

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Inknown April 1, 2013 - 8:26 pm

Please my dear stay away! Please you are young, I know what it feels like and it is not a good experience. You could only hope he wouldn’t hurt you again but its not guaranteed. He is a controller and you will not be happy with someone like that. Do not go forward with the marriage.

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Sheila April 1, 2013 - 8:29 pm

My dear, I have a 20 year old daughter. So I am speaking to you as a mother. Leave him NOW!!!! His age & education means nothing. He is a cruel man w who already said he will do this again. You do not need or deserve this and surely if this continues he will kill you! God spared you. Warning comes before destruction.

You are a beautiful, strong, intelligent young woman with your whole life ahead of you. …. do not throw it away. Go. Tell your parents and family. Let them help you through this. Leave him alone. Do not look back.

Do NOT marry this man!

May God be with you as you find your way. …..

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Char April 1, 2013 - 8:31 pm

Dear Anonymous,
The choice is yours to make whether you stay or go. However, I can tell you a little bit about your life if you stay and what you should do if you choose to go. He will be nice to you for a while or at least until the bruises heal. Then it will start all over again. Abuse is a cycle and it keeps coming back around. You may be stubborn but that is still no reason to beat you. This man has a serious problem not you unless you marry him. Next time he might kill you. If you choose to break off the engagement tell all your friends and family why. Also, you should get counseling yourself so that the next man that you date and one day find to marry will not be another abusive man. One more thing Love does not hurt, this man does not love you because the pain he is giving you is hate. Hold out for real love it will be worth it. You can choose marriage and to live in hell the rest of your life or choose to be single for a while and wait for real love the kind that God has planned for you. I will say a prayer for you today.

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Kafayat April 1, 2013 - 8:34 pm

Pls sis, run frm such relatnshp b4 u end up losin ur lyf in d handz of a man who findz it 2 hit a woman, dis is a revelatn of wht u’r abt commitin ursef to, pls b wise n act fast, tel ur parents n his family asap. God’l gve u a man who will cherish u more dan his own heart o!

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regina April 1, 2013 - 8:36 pm

please, leave that man alone. no one is called a man if he lays a hand on a lady! u should even thank God that you saw this side of him before getting married to him because by then, there is no way out. so i would advice you to tell your family what happened and cancel the marriage.

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valerie April 1, 2013 - 8:43 pm

RUN FOR UR LIFE,cos ur dead if u marry him.lyk seriously I can take shit frm a man and beating,physical abuse aint 1 of dem babe.as in.which normal loving ,carin man,d man dat wants to cleave to u,lays a hand on his woman no mata hw ill tempered,hw bad mouthed d lady is,u just walk away for God’s sake.hah! Biko! RUN!

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Truth April 1, 2013 - 8:45 pm

Please. You don’t know me, nor I you, but please please PLEASE RUN! Don’t worry about explanation to people, just move on, start a new life protected away from him and THANK GOD for the sight into the future with him that you saw. He WILL hit you again. Almost a 100 percent guarantee. You don’t want any of your future children to be forced to watch mummy get beat up every day… if you even live that long to bear children!(God forbid). HE IS MANIPULATING YOUR LOVING SIDE SO YOU WILL TAKE HIM BACK EVERY TIME HE ABUSES YOU! YOU WERE NOT BORN FOR THIS! You are somebody’s pikin, whether you believe in your value or not, do not sell your life away like this. Stay strong and ask God to speak to you alone. You already said he doesn’t listen to you because of age etc, he will continue to ignore your opinion about finance, where your kids will go to school etc. You already said he talks about your personal details to his friends, he will continue to disgrace you like this. A man can change… but it is not up to you to change him. That’s God’s work. Pray. Move on. Save yourself from needless pain down the line. God has already given you this warning my dear… take it.

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olufunke April 1, 2013 - 8:46 pm

If u enjoyed the beating and wish to have more of that,please ,you can go back but if u didn’t, then leave.

I don’t know if its love or something else, we don’t learn lessons from experiences around us

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pat April 1, 2013 - 8:47 pm

Broken relationship or introduction is better dan broken marriage dnt even dare go in2 dat marriage, u re stil young &u hv a biighter future ahead pray 4 d best

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Alicia April 1, 2013 - 8:48 pm

Once a man hits you , he will do it again…words of a very wise 81 year old lady…My Mom….and it is true once he marry you its on…and he will cheat too cause hes OK with his friends cheating……Run Run Run…..and tell alllllll your family…show them your face and body as proof of what he did to you…never forget it take picture if you have to….God will see you to another Man…your young………you have e a lot of time….travel the world and live life……..

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Lade April 1, 2013 - 8:49 pm

Hello dear, its God speaking to you indirectly telling you what you will experience if you go into the marriage. They say a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. You are still young and you have a lot ahead of you. Focus on whatever you are doing now and leave the guy. Its God revelation and soo many don’t have this opportunity in which you having now.

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Awoleye Yetunde April 1, 2013 - 8:56 pm

He must be an animal, run 4 ur dear life. That is what his married friend thought him.

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Regina April 1, 2013 - 8:56 pm

To be honest if you marry him, you’ll die
Speaking from experience..
Dats all

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oke April 1, 2013 - 8:57 pm

Pls I’d advice u end d relationship, if he had a reason 2 hit u d first time he’ll definitely have more reasons 2 do it when u’re married. U’re still young and I’m sure there’s someone out there who will treat u better, more than u think u deserve. God knows y he let this one turn out this way, try to forgive him.

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crown April 1, 2013 - 8:57 pm

Ha ha ha. That is his real self. He’s bn trying cos he actually want to lure u into marriage before he starts dealing with u. Thank God his tru colour showed. My dear PHD is just an education title, it doesn’t define anyones character, male or female. Some bus conductors are far more reasonable not to touch a woman dan sone educated men. So use ur brainand listen to ur legs.

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Blessing April 1, 2013 - 9:04 pm

My sister, for ur own gud run as fast as ur leg can carry u bcos any man dat beat his gurlfriend in a relatnship will definately kill her when dey eventually get married. He is not worth ur love. Your own man will find u. A wise man does not hit a lady even when they are not in a relatnship.

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tomi April 1, 2013 - 9:06 pm

My dear, if u marry him, u av just given him the lisence T̶̲̥̅Ơ̴͡ buy ur coffin. Run for ur life nd tell his family nd urs that d relationship is over bcos of wat he did

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jumoke April 1, 2013 - 9:09 pm

If you’re still courting each other,nd he’s behaving in this manner,what will then happen after marriage?U had better think twice

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Capital papa April 1, 2013 - 9:24 pm

My sister this one of the result of immoralities. And i keep on saying there are many mistakes we do made that protes the high rate of divorce and broken relationships. People are marrying or making friends because of beauty,handsome,money,education, stature,statues,wealth,religion,to please family ,friends or relation,because others are doing so,handwork,etc. Instead of characters,behaviour ,to allow Gods approval etc. My sister never you enter into that marriage or continue with that friendship ,GOD just reveal to you the danger ahead of you. Never you be tempted may be he satisfied you sexaully. God will give you a husband that would satisfy you than him and respect you as a wife and as woman. Just be God fearing and run away from pre.marrital sex ,which men are taken advantage of girls by promising them marriage and later run away when they are sactisfied themselves and turn to next victim.

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seyi April 1, 2013 - 9:24 pm

i know u might still ave not being able to come to terms with yestdaie’s incidence as well as comprehend it but thanks be to God that he showed his true color bcz if you marry him, u ve just signed ur death certificate remember he said,’dats hw he wld be beating you cz u re stubborn’…
think about it, pray hard ut above all flee!!!
dont marry him!!! for you own sake

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Elizabeth April 1, 2013 - 10:05 pm

Hmm! Please forgive him. inform your family and friends that you are not interested inthe marriage if that is your conclusion. However, don’t die because of a man who treats you like his maid. Pray about it but I will suggest that you quit the relationship for now. Go to the hospital.

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bola April 1, 2013 - 10:46 pm

Ehn my dear run. 4ur dear life…do u want 2die all in d name of luv?ur nt married yet n  beating!!if u marry ur his punchingbag ooo

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kc April 1, 2013 - 11:23 pm

RUN….!!!

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Tope April 1, 2013 - 11:36 pm

Abeg and Abeg in d Name of God, just leave dat guy alone and move on with ur life, cus a Broken Relationship is beta dan a Destroyed Marriage. Pls just jilt am . Plain truth

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grace April 1, 2013 - 11:38 pm

He is a beast and will remain a beast. please run for your life unless you want to die two years after marriage. You may be thinking of the shame or embarrassment it will cause the family, but it is better to turn away now because if you say I do, you are lying
under oath and it is a sin to God.

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me April 1, 2013 - 11:44 pm

well if a man ever raise a hand on you, forget about the pleading and all he will do it again, he beat u when u re just a girlfriend u can imagine what happens when u become a wife, run for ur dear life u re too young for that beatng

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Bridjette April 2, 2013 - 1:38 am

Please walk away! He showed you exactly what he thought of you by beating you. You deserve better. Its nit like he smacked you as some sort of reflex, he beat you mercilessly. He overpowered you. You hit you as if you were a man. He kicked you when you were defenseless. Love is patient. Love is kind and what he did DID NOT demonstrate love. He demonstrated evil and hate and you ont marry someone that hates you. If you stay away, i promise, itll be the best thing youve ever done.

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Dolphin April 2, 2013 - 3:10 am

My dear, who told u that when u get married things get beta? run for ur life before u become a victim of abuse, divorce and ridicle. Some people even end up paying with their life sometimes. Pls tell all your family members and pls run, a friend’s friend had the same experience and ended up paying with her life. Please run! Leave him, don’t ever talk to him again, cos if you do, u might end up considering his pleas and forgive him. You are still very young and wld get a good man who wld cherish and love you not someone who wld damage your skin, self esteem and life. I’m advising u as a married woman, pls run!!!

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jude April 2, 2013 - 4:41 am

My dear, You can’t change him, and he will never change in future, better you find some else, broken relationship is better than broken marriage. thank you.

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cutefemale April 2, 2013 - 4:53 am

My dear, pls I beg u with whatever u hold dear, pls leave him cos if u don’t it would definetely get worse, he sees u as his younger sister and he doesn’t respect u. If he did he wouldn’t take ur issues to his friends and he would listen to u. Please leave I beg u. My cousin is in a similar situation now after 3 kids hers also started like this cos he is older. Notin good would come out of this please leave him.

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Johanna April 2, 2013 - 5:15 am

My dear I was once in an abusive relationship,once an abuser always. Nothing will change him. Feeling so pity for you as you are still young. RUN for your life and don’t look back. God will provide you with a well deserved boyfriend.

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damilola olaoluwa April 2, 2013 - 6:26 am

Lemme add mine too Ooº°˚˚˚°ºo. No single comment asked U̶̲̥̅̊ to move on with d weedding. Mayb U̶̲̥̅̊ nid WDN to snd U̶̲̥̅̊ d links of a story in mosunmola diary n  how a lady who was claimin to love her husband even while she’s been battered daily Died n could nt take care of his children. My dear I guess if U̶̲̥̅̊ read d story U̶̲̥̅̊ would hate 2 cum across dat U̶̲̥̅̊я fiance. Abeg oodo relay race pls.

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oyindamola davies April 2, 2013 - 6:28 am

My dear,RUN!!!!……marriage is nt to be endured buh enjoyed,itz left for u to decide

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damilola olaoluwa April 2, 2013 - 6:29 am

Lemme add mine too Ooº°˚˚˚°ºo. No single comment asked U̶̲̥̅̊ to move on with d wedding. Mayb U̶̲̥̅̊ nid WDN to snd U̶̲̥̅̊ d links of a story in mosunmola diary n see how a lady who was claimin to love her husband even while she’s been battered daily Died n could nt take care of her children. My dear I guess if U̶̲̥̅̊ read d story U̶̲̥̅̊ would hate 2 cum across dat U̶̲̥̅̊я fiance. Abeg oodo relay race pls.

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Cindy April 2, 2013 - 7:10 am

My dear av bin in dis situation b4, once a beater always a beater, U̶̲̥̅̊ beta cancel d marriage ur still young vibrant,ur man s waitng 4u,f U̶̲̥̅̊ enta ds marriage, ull loose ur hapines,U̶̲̥̅̊ still hav a bright future ahead, so make ur decicion wisely.

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pamel April 2, 2013 - 7:53 am

Run 4 ur life my dear,just go n thank God 4 revealing him to u know.

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NANCY April 2, 2013 - 8:49 am

RUN, RAN, RUNNING, WHATEVER BE THE ADJECTIVE! BUT MAKE SURE YOU FLEE FROM THAT BEAST!!!!

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eresco April 2, 2013 - 9:20 am

My dear, run 4 ur dear life.

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Da Real 1 April 2, 2013 - 9:43 am

My dear RUN AWAY OH

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nwibani josephine April 2, 2013 - 12:16 pm

my sis. pls answer this question, if u were death will that boyfriend of yours had married ur death body? next time u may not be that lucky, that guy is an animal and u dont need him for anytin. run as fast as ur legs can carry u and i assure u GOD ii surely give u ur own man. that guy can even beat u when u are pregnant.

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agiamah blessing April 3, 2013 - 10:38 pm

pl all i have 2 say i dat u should not only live him but run 4 ur life and from death, becos as he has started he wuld continue thank god he did it b4 d introduction.pls pls and pls liv him there are guys wishing u were theirs.

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taiwoojo April 6, 2013 - 6:14 pm

run for ur life,joooo o

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kemkem June 21, 2013 - 4:41 pm

u are calling for death if u marry such an animal

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Jasmine June 21, 2013 - 4:52 pm

Are u for real?…..Hiss. I am not sure u value ur life. How can u ask pple to advise u on whether u should stay alive.

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princess oluwatoyin williams odiaka June 24, 2013 - 3:48 pm

Cut off d wedding and moveon with your life, he is nt a man bt an animal God will give you a better lovin and carin man.

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glory oaikhena June 24, 2013 - 4:07 pm

please stay away from that man
.. because any man that hits a woman like that,
Is an animal and doesn ‘t deserve a woman in his life

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pudee June 26, 2013 - 1:00 pm

Wat are Ʊ waiting 4?………RUN 4 UR LIFE………Daτ guy is a bests απϑ only a bests let him can stand him sơ pls dnt need anymore advice Ʊ jt ♓αve †̥☹ run 4gud.

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Jummy July 21, 2013 - 12:17 am

My dear I went into marriage thinking that it will change after being married it has happened 4 times in 3 yrs. now listen to me , unless the man seeks help he will never stop. You are not a hero to save him so be very careful as to why ur getting in the marriage is it because you think you can save him and change him ….. Be careful I would advise you to leave at 20 there will be more prospects pray to your God and be careful.

You are too young to deal with such and no one should deal with this, he doesn’t know how to express himself n he wants control. Life is a choice.

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Ariet Enyenihi July 23, 2013 - 7:53 am

This man is actually poses n i bet u dont v d staminal 2 pray him out,pls all d comment boils down 2 one thing which is “RUN 4 UR LIFE” n DONT U eva look back

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Chi August 17, 2013 - 3:41 pm

Firstly what you actually need is to forgive him(marriage or no marriage).
Someone who lays his hand on you I think before you tie the note you both need to get some marriage counselling and most importantly seek God for wisdom in you decision making. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but you don’t want to step into it when you are not sure. One more thing don’t you worry about what people thing or say worry about what God says about you.
Let the Peace of God that surpasses all understanding guide your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
Be blessed

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chidere October 2, 2013 - 6:40 pm

Comment..pls wot is happening ds days dt we cant just undastand..ds tin hear is vry simpl he is ds an notin .x.he wl nt change for any man dt lay his hand on his wife is a godiger..pls run before it is to late..is beter to be single prayin to god for a life partner than to be married prayin to be single..marriage is a jouney u av never traveld before..so seve ur life now dt u can…god bls u..

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lola December 6, 2013 - 11:07 am

run as if u see a mad man ,run fast am talking from experience.after three kids i still av to go back to my parent now living as a single parent,even taking care of the three kids alone.

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mosun December 6, 2013 - 2:16 pm

U better pack ur tins and run as fast as u can cos dis kinda person cant change at all

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Ajagunna Adetola May 18, 2014 - 1:53 pm

Once u marry a man that beat u during courtship,U’ve given the right to buy your coffin during marriage

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OLAMI May 19, 2014 - 2:10 pm

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….i guesss u dnt need me to add to the comment…there is no two ways about it..if a guy is dat old..and he has not come to realise that women run dere mouth and so wen they start..u take a walk as a man so u dnt do what u will ordinarily nt want to do,i am nt sure he is a man..dnt try to marry such a man..if he has done it once..and he beggs…u agree..he will repeat same..and he will beg and u will agree again..forget the introduction abeg…run for ur life..beta days..beta life ahead…….marriage no b do or die affair oooo…may God help us all

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Anonymous December 30, 2015 - 5:01 pm

Pls run while u still have legs,..read d story of mosunmola and how she does leaving ha 3 little kids cos of beating from her husband,..ryt nau I suffer bone pain cos of beatings from my ex,.pls runnnnn or even borrow wings and flyyyy

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mayowa December 31, 2015 - 7:54 am

My dear,run for ur life u might not be lucky next time

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