‘It’s not you, it’s me…….I hope we can still be friends?’
The latter is one of the most common questions asked after a breakup. For some people, they embrace it, probably because they don’t want enemies or negative vibes in their pasts, while some people open that door just a little hoping for a change of mind in the future, some accept to remain friends but only till they find a new lover and then like Adele sang ‘Send my love to your new lover’, while some people refuse blatantly on the spot. We have all had a taste of both, exes that we don’t know where they are and exes we still communicate with regularly and both decisions can be understood.
Most people who are still friends with their exes are still harbouring feelings for each other and are hoping to rekindle it, for some women, they accept to be friends just not to be disagreeable but its okay to say ‘No’ for your own mental health and self-preservation. Apart from actually being friends, some exes agree or offer to remain friends out of pity, keeping tabs, loneliness, in case they cant find someone better, you still love them, they still love you and many other reasons.
The main issue is being friends with your ex after you are in a new relationship. Most times your partner would be against it, probably telling you, ‘I’m now your best friend, you don’t need anybody else’. We can understand when you open the ex-door slightly, the problem is when you unhinge the door completely, but if you still decide to remain a little close with your past lovers, there should be healthy boundaries;
1) When starting a new relationship ‘ALWAYS KEEP PERSPECTIVE’, be open to the person, NEVER COMPARE, NEVER, the moment you start comparing, you start straining the relationship, everyone is different, everybody has their good or bad side, so you don’t ruin a good love.
2) Always think about your partner, whatever you do, think of your partner doing the same to you, be fair, let your partner understand your capacity with your ex. If your partner questions your friendship with your ex, don’t force it on them, make them understand why you still talk to your ex.
3)Let there be boundaries, you have a new man/woman now, you cant be saying and doing certain things with and to your Ex, you chose to be with the new partner and that’s what you should do.
With all this being said, I still understand that not one size fits all. Let me know below if its right to remain friends with the ex, or remain friends till your new relationship or cut all ties.
Photography: Reem Photography