Home Couples Forum He Came To Ask For My Hand In Marriage But My Dad Bluntly Refused That It’s A Shame To Date The Elder & Marry The Younger

He Came To Ask For My Hand In Marriage But My Dad Bluntly Refused That It’s A Shame To Date The Elder & Marry The Younger

by Lola Onabowale

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Hello WDN, I must say you are doing a great job helping people solve their emotional hitch of which I need that help. I am 26years old and in final year medical school in north America as a second degree since I had my first degree in Africa before I left. In 2005, I met this guy and we started a platonic relationship of which my friends and siblings knew of since we are from the same place. Then In 2006, I left Nigeria to school and by the time I came back 6 months later on holidays, he was dating my elder sister. I felt bad but never said anything to both of them only that by the time I left for school, they broke up. He’s been begging me since then. In 2010 he came to my parents to ask for my hand in marriage but my dad bluntly refused that its a shame to date the elder and marry the younger. He’s done all have asked him to just to prove he is sorry but I am so scared and worried about getting married to him. If I may say, I still love him but I am too scared to rise against my family. The years come and go, have had many proposals of which my dad always says No using my education as a point. My elder sister is married with 2 kids, myself and this guy are still single. Please house is it wrong for me to marry this guy? Should I stay with my family’s decision or marry this guy because I cant seem to love all the men proposing to me.

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13 comments

tayo December 9, 2013 - 4:21 pm

Pray about it to God,He can change your father’s mind..don’t rise against your family because of a man..the man may go but ur family wld always be there for you.

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Amina December 9, 2013 - 4:49 pm

Agree with tayo about prayers. But you need to know if this is whom God has chosen for you and that calls for patience! Listen to the silent voice. Is he God-fearing? Has he given his life to Christ and consistently? Has he good morals/character that you can attest to? You will find answers if you take your time, read the scriptures, seek advice, etc. Remember, if you are a practicing christian, you definitely want to find a partner who is already inside God’s garden oh. You can not get one outside of it and think/hope he/she will change. Far from it, they will drag you outside of God’s garden. When parents object to something like this, it’s good to take a step back and think. They want the best for you, so until you have those answers and get their approval, I would not proceed with marriage against your parents wishes. Best wishes in all and this holiday season.

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peju December 9, 2013 - 4:51 pm

pray and seek Gods direction

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oyeweso aderonke December 9, 2013 - 4:56 pm

Don’t go against ur father they see more than we can see just pray to God about it if God willing he-ll surely be yours but never leave ur family for a guy not accepted by ur father somehow it does not favour anyone who takes such steps Try and convince ur father but if he insist so be it ,your own husband will surely find u dat will be accepted by ur father

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seghe December 9, 2013 - 4:57 pm

Forget the guy. He really doesn’t know who he wants. How can he date two sisters from one family? He probably would have slept with both of you? Abomination! Forget that guy … you’d find your husband soon.

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Joy December 9, 2013 - 5:12 pm

what was he thinking when he dated ur elder sister after wht u both shared no mater how platonic u try to paint it. your dad is right. the guy is an unreasonable guy, he is uncultured with little or no regards & respect for women. he dosent have values @ all. & his guts facinates me. let him go, time will heal u & u will definately move on, there are millions of reasonable guys out there. what is so special about him? is he diamond studed? pls girl dont let ur heart go thru your head. you deserve to spend the rest of ur life with a man that has regard/respect for you & ur family. make e carry him crase dey go anoda place.

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mary December 9, 2013 - 7:45 pm

I don’t lik d guy,cos he dated ur sis,he doesn’t av shame and if u marry him,they may both each on u again or cheat on u wit sm1else,try and pray so God can help u.And ur sis try ooo,she get no shame 4face.

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Anonymous December 9, 2013 - 8:25 pm

All well said. This is what I hv to say.
God instituted marriage. Seek God’s will 1st. How? If you are a Christian, and regard the Bible as the voice and word of God which it is, then pls refer to Leviticus. If the guy slept with your sister, then there’s no point going into that marriage. It is an abomination before God which means that marriage won’t involve God. What’s the point then?
Pls remember that there’s no day the product will know more than the producer.
Act wise, loving someone especially for the rest of your life is a choice, not (necessarily) a feeling.
If he didn’t sleep with her, take it to God in prayers.
God help you.

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ladun December 9, 2013 - 8:37 pm

His next taget is your younger sister or even your mother, he’s such a dog who goes for anytin my dear, u better clear ur head nd move on, trust me, u ll later find out he has dated some of your friends, go to God for His perfect will for your life.,

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fide December 9, 2013 - 10:56 pm

Pls just follow ur heart

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John December 10, 2013 - 6:41 am

The truth about it is simple, a man that is for you will wait for you… even without sex, he will still be there, but you have to understand something here, that God has opened your eyes to see that the man is not for you… by letting him have an affair with your own sister…now allot of things to consider and think about:
1. while he was dating your sister, i guess he must have told her, he loves her more than you
2. God is making u know that this man is not for you, because in the future he can sleep with all your best friends or any one who comes to visit in female skirt.
Honestly, give thanks to God, because he is preparing you for a better man, don’t ever think that all is lost, the sweet and prince charming will come, like a wave and honestly, you will forget the things that make you sad. And above all, never go against your parents, because they are the blessing that will also guide your marriage.
Remain blessed.

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Ruth December 10, 2013 - 9:50 am

If he dated your sister and still came back for you then i guess he is not sure of what he wants. Did he sleep with your sister? Are you sure he did not bet with friends to sleep with your sister and marry you? How would you feel if he throws it in your face when u finally get married to him that he is a man that gets whomever he wants after all he has had you two conveniently. Be careful. What an elder sees sitting down, a child cannot see it even if he climbs a tree. Choose carefully. Your family first o because they re your blood and will stick with you through it all, even in a case of divorce. They will fight for you. Don’t severe your relationship with your sister, father and family because of a confused guy. You will hurt cos you love him but be sure to know that a few months of hurt is better than a life time of regret in a wrong marriage.

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kenny iretomiwa December 10, 2013 - 10:11 am

Don’t marry the guy becos if u marry d guy u will regret it see your sister and the guy it sad . Think deep before u do anything . Good luck .

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