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Home Couples Forum He Doesn’t Have A Single Romantic Bone In Him, He Is A Workaholic And Pays Too Much Attention To His Job.

He Doesn’t Have A Single Romantic Bone In Him, He Is A Workaholic And Pays Too Much Attention To His Job.

by Lola Onabowale

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I really need your advice on this issue; I have a fiancé, Joe. I love Joe deeply, and I know he loves me too. He is a great guy, and has qualities that I admire in a guy. Joe basically does nothing without consulting me; I have most, if not all of his passwords. That’s how much he trusts me. I am the kind of lady that loves attention. I like my boyfriend being all over me, calling me at every little opportunity, telling me everything that happened during his day, boring or not. I want my man to be my best friend, my best friend that can’t go an hour without itching to talk to me about everything. Such kind of attention and caring attitude makes me happy, and without it, I become frustrated. I am an independent person; things like gifts, money, lunch, etc. don’t move me. I could care less for all that. The only thing I desire from my man is love and attention. The problem is, Joe is not that kind of a man. He hardly says “I love you”, he can go two days without talking to me, and he doesn’t have a single romantic bone in him. He is a workaholic and pays too much attention to his job. I feel like he puts his job and family before me. He says understanding is everything. Joe doesn’t speak my language of love. As much as I love Joe, I fear that if I marry him, I will not be happy, in spite of his good attributes. I have talked this over with him severally, he understands and promised to make effort. He says he is doing his very best at loving me but I think this is just who he is, however I am not okay with it. I called off the relationship severally but he never agrees to let me go, he has never given up on me even when I give up, he will always plead with me to be patient with him. I am confused. I have never loved anyone this much, I usually just let go when I need to and move on. In this case, a part of my heart is still with him. Am I asking for too much? Am I living in a fantasy world?
Are all of his good attributes worth giving up my happiness for life? And yes, for life, because he may not change.


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20 comments

Bolaji December 1, 2013 - 6:42 pm

This is exactly what am facing too. Pls advice us

Reply
tayo December 1, 2013 - 8:19 pm

Better endure the relationship,how abt if he has no Job and he his allover you,wld You prefer that? Sincerely,u aint asking for too much,but understand him too..give him space and find somtyn doing yourself..

Reply
Oseyi December 1, 2013 - 8:26 pm

Really, dear maybe you a looking for a perfect man, you just said he virtually ask you before doing anything, to me he loves you as much as you do love him, if he can modify that part of him you should try and get use to it and tolerate it, believe me he still have somethings you do that he tolerates so do your part, seriously guyz like him are rare to find ooo. If he must adjust, buy him books that will try to modify his attitude and continuesly talk to him. He is agood guy, pls don’t be too demanding.

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Tye December 1, 2013 - 9:26 pm

No body is perfect and Joe is not an exception, if you say he loves you so much and you do too, try and overlook his non romantic attitude,live with it and see the good side of him, if you can do this and you are not unhappy then you can go ahead in the relationship but if you still feel unhappy then you have to stop it cos if you are unhappy now then you can be sure it may not be better when you are married to him. But seriously most very focused guys are not so romantic, you just have to introduce it in your own little way or deal with it Don’t ever go into marriage being unhappy, trust me marriage has its own challenges already so don’t compound it before going into it. So many things brings happiness or unhappiness but most importantly you have to decide to be happy and never be desperate to marry ,this is part of compatibility test you have to pass in your relationship before you proceed.Good luck

Reply
zenny December 2, 2013 - 9:06 am Reply
Anike December 2, 2013 - 9:22 am

My dear, u are into a lot of novels with their fantasies. Grow up. Nobody has such time. When u av a full time time job and a mother with 2 or 3 kids u would understand what Joe is doing now. Like someone asked, would u prefer him jobless and over u? Would u feel his love den? I bet not cos relationship with ur guy not working hardly last. So sweetie, buckle up, give that guy a space and don’t be clingy. How many babes do u know has their guy’s password? He loves u.

Reply
Feyi December 2, 2013 - 10:57 am

Hmmmm!!!!! I have read through all the comments here, and i can basically say almost everyone is saying the same thing “You are asking for too much, novels, movies” and all….. However, in as much as i am not in support of a lady being too demanding on a guy, i however feel that the lady in question is not asking for the impossible, neither is she asking for too much. Yes the guy gives her his password, consults her before he does anything; all these are good, but all the lady is asking for is attention. I sincerely don’t think him taking time out to spend with her is too much to ask. By the way, one of the major reasons for marriage is companionship… If she has someone who does not spend time with her, does not ask of her welfare, does not say “i love you” then i wonder what differentiates her from a single lady who is not in a relationship. So sweetheart, i would advise you speak with him, let him know how much these little things mean to you, and most importantly PRAY about it!!!! Ask God for guidance. One thing i can assure you, is that if he is the one for you, then there is no heart God cannot change. If HE could turn Pharoah’s heart to set the isrealites free, then turning the heart of your fiance to love you the way you want, is a piece of cake for God. Much love dear, and wish you happiness and sweet love!!!!

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mrs,E .o. December 2, 2013 - 1:49 pm

my dear sis, sometimes when one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love dat lies in between the peace and dullness. so search urself and align ur prorities.

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Victor Oloyede December 3, 2013 - 6:46 pm

My Wife just sent me this link. I am sure she would say I belong these set of men. Anyway, I would leave my thought.
I feel women need to know more. I bet you there are two things that won’t mix; love and business.
A woman wants to be comfortable, she wants to have all she snaps her finger at and she also want 100% attention. Both don’t go together. You have to choose one.
Do you think all those women that are in court to divorce their husband because of too much sex are playing. They just got the result of too much love. I bet you, you will hate the guy more if he doesn’t have anything he is doing.
Talk to him and iron things out.

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Toluwatope December 10, 2013 - 12:47 am

I am going to tell you that it is really not his fault dear. There are four different personalty types in the world psychologically(Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic and Melancholic). Your fiance is a Choleric to the core. He loves you but his personality makes it difficult for him to express it because he is testosterone driven and all his focus is his work. It will be great if you can research more on this it will help you to understand him better and know how to deal with him.

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tlops April 7, 2014 - 12:26 pm

I won’t say u are asking for too much or not but I can see u are just expressing your person and dat Is not bad, but one thing u. need to know Is dat ur partner also has is own personalty that needs to be understood.from the 4 types of temperament we have, he Is basically choleric in nature and u can’t blame him for that,all I tink u need to do Is understand his person,and since u said he does not undersatnd your language of love, why not teach him by sincerely showing all those affections u expect off him and patiently wait to see a favorable result bcos it will come gradually it might sound imposssible,but if u are patient enough for him,u will weaken his hard romantic veins with your love language u constan tly speak to him.atleast he already has some good qualities u admire like u said, and I believe you know no one is perfect.so don’t slack up and allow intruders set in.You also need to disern the right time for doing things.if u truely love him and u are sure he truely loves u,patiently wait and work out wat u want to see in your relationship with him by constantly communicating ur Desire to him,but not nagging him.I pray God help you

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