He Has Proposed To Me But I Am Not Comfortable With The Fact That He Still Sees His Ex. Do You Think I Should Confront Her? - Wedding Digest Naija
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He Has Proposed To Me But I Am Not Comfortable With The Fact That He Still Sees His Ex. Do You Think I Should Confront Her?

by WDN

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Dear WDN,

I’m 24 years old and I’ve been dating this guy for two years now. Everything was going on fine for us till I noticed he had a girlfriend and they live together. I was furious when I found out he had a girlfriend so, I confronted him and told him it was over between us. He begged me and told me that he doesn’t love her anymore, that he’s in love with me, that he didn’t tell me about his other relationship because he was scared he would lose me and now he’s ready to look for a new place, which he did. So, I forgave him. But, after some time, I noticed they were still communicating, I was very pissed and I told him I was going to end our relationship if he doesn’t stop communicating with her. He promised he was going to and also made me believe he did. I forgave him again but the trust wasn’t there anymore so, I started spying on him and found out that he changed her name on his contact so, I would think they’ve stopped talking. I confronted him again but, he says they’re just friends, that everyone knows we are dating, his family, friends and his Ex. I know she knows about us, I read some of the messages she sent to him saying; “I know you don’t love me, but, I love you. why are you breaking my heart, is it a crime to love? what did I do to deserve this?” and he makes her feel like he’s not having an affair with anyone and she shouldn’t believe what people tell her. But, I know she knows about us because she once told him that when my boyfriend finishes playing with me, that he’d go back to her that he’s a guy and guys flirt so, he’s just having a fling with me. I know he’s not having a fling with me because he has proposed to me but, I’m not comfortable with the fact that he still sees his “Ex” and they still talk almost everyday even at midnight( I know because I check his phone).

What do you think he’s trying to do? Do you think I should confront her again? Do you think I should call her and tell her to stay away? Do you think I should leave him? I really do love him but, I’m tired of nagging, i’m tired of feeling bad. I’m already emotionally wrecked.
My parents don’t know him but, they’ve heard about who I’m dating. They don’t want to know him because they think he’s not good enough but, his family loves and has accepted me. His mum adores me. She even asked him to delete any female number that isn’t hers, his sister’s or mine. Lol! She kinda exaggerated but, that was sweet of her.
What do you suggest I do? Cos, I’ve been very patient!

Please help!


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15 comments

Precious October 16, 2013 - 11:06 am

My advice to you is RUNNNN and never look back unless you are willing to deal with him talking to her and seeing her or you feel like you can’t do any better. I have been in a similar situation. Started dating this guy, only to find out he had a girlfriend. They were not living together. He broke up with her and I thought my battle was over, little did I know that I had bigger battles to fight.
1) You mentioned that you have been dating for 2 years and in this 2 years he is still talking to this his ex on daily basis, he might as well be in a relationship with her
2)He has proposed to you and is still talking to this girl on a daily basis, that should ring a bell, why would he stop when you are married.
If he has still maintained this relationship with his ex after the break up and despite the fact that he is dating you, it means that he is not ready to let her go and it is going to be something that you are going to always have to deal with.
I understand occassional flirting, but on a daily basis, sweetie it is a big problem before you know it, he will be climbing into bed with her rekindling the love they ones had. And for him to allow his ex to assume that you are just a fling even after he has proposed to you, thats downright disrespect to you. But you have weigh all your option before you make a choice, my guy kept asking me to give him time to distance himself from the ex, and I gave him time, 6 months later they were still talking and chatting as usual, like I was just the fling. Whenever I brought it up, he played it down and said I was overreacting, 1 year later, same thing…I just couldnt deal with giving all my love to someone who was sharing his so I had to run. We talked about marriage, he proposed to me, we talked about the rest of our lives together, and made future plans, but the ex was always there and I just couldnt deal with it

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Ayo October 16, 2013 - 11:52 am

Plz run,& dnt even thnk of wt d mum said cz “in-laws“ knws aw to play d game of deceit evn perfctly more dn d cheatn partners, wn d full storm arises it wl b too late to realize u are all ALONE

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Pam October 16, 2013 - 1:21 pm

The in-laws are in on it too! Let me tell u-woooo. They r probably engineering the whole shindig! Please at twenty-four, u still have time. Make a run for it, cut it off, U have the power and the right to be happy. You must not get into a relationship, most of all a marriage with such a burning issue. People who have stayed together before can be a real P.R.OB.B.L.E.M especially if the girl is holding on. That’s the biggest problem and if they’ve been staying together hint, hint!!! Either they will keep seeing each other OR make u a feel like a duffus when the opportunity arises and oh boy, there will be plenty coz they will start looking and finding them. And please, never marry someone your parents do not approve of P.L.E.A.S.E. YOU will pay dearly for going against their wishes and I don’t care what anybody says on this. Even if things get better and u start healing after he smacks u w more action whilst in the marriage, u will live a pittiful life trying to pick up broken pieces of ur marriage and family ties. If its been two yrs of them playing ur mind before u r even committed to him my sister, please I beg of u-LEAVE

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crown October 16, 2013 - 1:21 pm

WeLl, to me. I guess u are acting exactly as ur age. U are immature for a relationship. U are easily blinded by fantasy. Quit dis relationship and get matured. U just av to cOnfront d guy wit reality.
U are already done wit dis relationship. The ony thing keeping u are only so psychic comments by him or his mum. Rubbish. Dey are only decieving u bcos dey know u are easily gullible wen it comes to making u feel important. Mine is simply grow up and handle ur relationship to work for u or quit for good.

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Enyinne October 16, 2013 - 2:34 pm

just leave him, he is palying you. my dear been in this situation i was engaged to him n well known to his family bt i just found out he was running around wth other women sleeping around. i loved him with every fibre in me i stl do, but i just dumped his sorry sef. now he is not givin me peace he is begging me to come back to him. my dear u deserve better my dear n to tell u know it ddnt take me 2months to get marriage proposals frm 3 different men n the 3 men are good men. so just leave that player u deserve betta

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Thelma October 16, 2013 - 2:44 pm

Hes not good enough for you… He wants to keep both you and his ex mehn that is just so wrong. plzzz run. I promise you if you leave him now, two years from now you won’t even remember what you saw in him in the first place. be strong ok… keep me posted

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Lee October 16, 2013 - 4:53 pm

As rightly said in previous comment, you probably ain’t doing the right thing being with ur boyfriend. And i agree with this because it seems he does not have any respect for u, because if he does respect you and truly loves u, he won’t dare mess up what u share by holding onto a previous relationship. How could he made the other woman feel that you both ain’t dating, plus she suggesting that ur relationship is a fling and he does nothing about it? Anyway, u see we will never know what it will be like in the end if she break up with, we will never find out if he is actually sincere with u n how much his love won’t hurt u if u choice to cut him off. However, i personally hold the opinion that u don’t want to really find out what it will be like, good or bad. This guy has shown himself not to worthy of u from the account u’ve given. From a personal perceptive, my husband still talks to his exes and i don’t have a problem with it because he gave me reasons not to worry about it. But while we were dating n i first noticed this, i was extremely jealous and angry, and he knew what my stands were on this because i made it totally clear that i will NOT tolerate such disrespect and like the responsible man that he is, he cleared the air n put his exes in their place every time each of them try to pull and play the comeback game. In essence, what i am saying is that u haven’t find ursef a responsible man and u should not stand for irresponsibility.

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PIKIN October 16, 2013 - 4:58 pm

leave him now. else u will spend d rest of ur life in regret. coz even after ur marriage he will still b wit her den u will kno wat heart ache really means.

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arinola October 16, 2013 - 5:08 pm

As far as am concerned,the so call “EX” is nt even an EX they r still very much 2geda n am sure he’s hurting d other girl as well n he’s also cheating on his girlfriend with u…So my dear think twice since u said they were staying together or still staying together am sure their relationship is much more stronger than u think,so let them be n don’t be an intruder.

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Lucia October 16, 2013 - 5:11 pm

Free yourself from him. 2 years of relationship with a proposal and still communicates with his ex especially changing her name so you don’t know he’s still dating her (because he’s still seeing her from your explanation). This does not make sense, and it’s a waste of your time. A continual deception in a 2-year relationship is a sign that he loves you not. Please, to show you care about your future and that you love yourself enough, give him back his ring. Your family does not love him because they’ve already sensed his not good for you because you care more about him than he does about you (when it should be the other way round). It is not worth it.

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omo October 16, 2013 - 9:35 pm

you are just a baby. growup!

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Joy October 17, 2013 - 10:17 am

This girl knows exactly what to do she just dosent want to tell her self the truth, am afraid whatsover she is told here she may not hid to it. @ 24 u want to put urself in everlasting boundage? its onething to be married its another thing to happily married. that is not to say there are no challenges in marriage o, but why put urself in unecessary heart ache. dis guy is playing with anoda woman & u think u are the special one? he may choose u today & marry you but tomorow make life miserable for u by having strings of women outside d home. a leopard dosent change its skin. you can do better, look else where. dont get decieved with the so called love of his family, they probably knw their son isnt a good person & they have seen a good young girl they can hook. you are not going to be living with them but the man. remember marriage is for a life time only if you are planning on divorcing. which is not advisable. anything that dosent give you peace is not worth it! a word is enough for d wise

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betty October 23, 2013 - 10:19 pm

My dear how are u sure DAT he don’t use to save ur mame with smtin el se whenever u is with d soda lady, so pls b wise broken relationship is beta than broken marriage.

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oma jones February 19, 2014 - 8:55 pm

My dear fly if Ɣ☺ΰ can cos had I knw is not a good word

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joy lema November 7, 2014 - 9:38 am

He is toying with your emotions my dear & u ve already know it. truly his mother may like you so much but u’re going to leave together with the son while mother-in-law will soon be an occasional visitor. your happiness lies mostly in the hands of ur spouse.The truth is that his mind is divided btw you and the ex…so it’s still better now to quit before it’s late. Mind u,other serious guys are out there that will love you better than he does. you care about him than he does 4 u which is very wrong

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