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‘It’s Like I Have Found Happiness Again’. Can I Marry Him Despite The Fact That I Have A Son With His Elder Brother

by Lola Onabowale

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Dear WDN, I have been a fan of this page and I have learnt so much from here.

Now my story, I am 30 yrs now, when I was 16 when I gave birth to my son who is now 14. I was then in a relationship with his father for 5 yrs. We were both young but loved each other. He was my first love. Parents from both sides tried all they could so that our relationship should end but it didnt until in 2001, when we parted ways because there was much pressure from his side in which he couldn’t handle.

Now we are all grown and he is married but he does not support the child and even my son does not know his father despite living in the same city but this doesn’t bother me that much because I do take good care of him myself.

The main issue now is his younger brother of the father to my son has proposed marriage to me. He is a good man, well presented and hard working too. We haven’t seen each other for a while until he started calling and visiting me late last year. We are now very close, I like him, it’s like I have found happiness again in him.

So, will it be okay if I accept his proposal. He does include me in all his plans, and before he does anything, he always ask for my opinion. Please help me, I am falling for this man daily.

Can I marry him despite the fact that I have a son with his elder brother? I pointed this to him, but he said it doesn’t bother him and he want us to marry before this year ends.

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12 comments

tayo March 4, 2014 - 6:18 pm

Don’t do it except you want a 2nd heartbreak..let u,him and his brother speak together..if they are convinient with it..you’re good to go..

Reply
anonymous March 4, 2014 - 6:34 pm

U could darling provided he’s willing to support your son. Just pray that the family doesn’t oppose u guys again.

Reply
hafsat March 4, 2014 - 6:41 pm

What was d reason why ur rlatnshp wit d broda was opposed initially and hw sure are you dt d same tin won’t apen again,u nid to knw why d first didn’t wrk n compare to dis one

Reply
lorrietta March 4, 2014 - 6:53 pm

It is wrong for u to even consider such proposal. Ve u ever tot of wat his brother and members of his family wld say and even urs? My dear, that u ve smtin to do with his bro is enough reason to say NO. U r the lady here. Don’t allow the guy to decieve u, he ll use it against u in future. BE WISE!

Reply
haniks March 4, 2014 - 7:23 pm

Pray abt it first nd God wil see u tru but to b sincere ,u can stil find happiness somwhere else .

Reply
Ada March 4, 2014 - 7:29 pm

Pls seek the face of the Lord and ask Him for direction,it doesn’t matter the amt of advice anyone gives u here,God is the ultimate,He alone can guide u.

Reply
Name* March 4, 2014 - 7:45 pm

When your son is matured enough t✽ ask questions about his Dad what story would U̶̲̥̅̊ tell him;wld U̶̲̥̅̊ be proud telling him dat “uncle (his father’s)ur step father ‘s broda Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ ur father.and if its him(ur son) dat was askin for ur advice what wld U̶̲̥̅̊ tell him.♏Ɣ dear ur happiness Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ not dependent on any man it comes from d condition Ø̶̷̩̥̊͡Ƒ̶̷̩̥̊͡ ur human spirit irrespective of d situation around u.Don’t make a decision just becos U̶̲̥̅̊ fill happy at d moment when d storm comes wld it hold water.also note dat luv Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ a feeling dat although it has d capacity t✽ start without any deliberate effort it takes deliberate effort t✽ maintain it has d ability t✽ come n go again and come n go again.Definitely U̶̲̥̅̊ ve gone thru some stuff with ur son and U̶̲̥̅̊ A̶̲̥̅̊я̲̣̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ still standing it left for U̶̲̥̅̊ t✽ decide am I inlove with dis man becos he seems t✽ be dere now;3o years from now wld dis be ♏Ɣ same story Ø̶̷̩̥̊͡Ƒ̶̷̩̥̊͡ happiness when ♏Ɣ son speaks with his cousins n half broda;do I have d ability t✽ c a better tomorrow withou controversy? its ur decision t✽ make

Reply
Remi March 4, 2014 - 11:36 pm

Sweetie, there are many more men out there, u only need to put urself out there more. It’s not wise to have a relationship whatsoever with ur baby daddy’s bro. It’s tacky and don’t let the family use you as a table conversation. Look for another man, far away from your ex. It doesn’t make sense dating ur ex’s friend, let alone brother. Pls be wise darling. You don’t want to be that person. Cheers!

Reply
Bibi March 5, 2014 - 12:04 am

I guess the dilemma here is do you want to ignore people’s opinions and feelings for the sake of your own happiness? Everybody saying don’t date his brother is working with the consciousness of “what will people say”? forgetting that God’s plan and the plan of men are two different things. Lets not pretend that the recipe for successful marriage is simply by marrying as far away from your ex as you can. The bible encourages us to put all things to the test. So test the waters, since his intentions are clear. Get the man to formally declare his intentions to his brother and family, and have a friend or family member present. Also you need to test the man. If he is serious he needs to meet your family to formally ask permission. I don’t think a man who is not serious will be bothered to make all that effort. Lastly, seek the face of God concerning this – prophets are human like you and me, God can speak to you just like he speaks to them. If you seek him, you will find him.
Good Luck!

Reply
ijeoma March 5, 2014 - 3:33 am

marry him joor

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Name* March 5, 2014 - 9:03 am

l thought the reason you and your first partner his brother parted was the pressure from his familiy will he be able to withstand the pressure or is thr another reason really besides the familiy because if the familiy did not like you with the brother why would they like you with the younger brother.

Reply
Larry-love March 6, 2014 - 12:44 am

In the first instance, pressure from family rocked your relationship. Now you are going back to board the same ship?my dear lady please seek and develop appetite for love outside that family otherwise the pressure this time around could generate fatalistic experience seeing you are just about bringing two brothers into a severe head-on collision. Besides what sort of experience do you think your lovely son would have when others jeer at him that his step father is his father’s younger brother?please analyze this supposedly found happiness so that in the end no one get to accuse you of vindictiveness.

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