He has proposed to you; so what? He now has access to your body every night; after all, he has proposed. He has asked you not to worry about pregnancy because he would be happy if it comes and you gladly took that in; are you not a disgrace to your parents? Was your mother pregnant before your father paid her bride price? How could you, an African girl, move in with a man who doesn’t know where you father lives? That’s the greatest insult you can ever give your parents.
Many like you have been abandoned with seven months pregnancy and so you won’t be the first to experience that. You have to move in with him just because of the proposal; your eyes will soon see clearly. He now controls you, your life, career, and your job when he has not even gone for introduction and he tells you that’s the way it should be; may God help you because it’s obvious he’s rehearsing how to make you miserable in future.
Well, he has succeeded in making you believe that everything is normal in the 21st century. He is using you to make himself happy. I am happy for the guy because he is enjoying the benefits of marriage without being married. He has turned you to his chef, housekeeper, and errands girl. He’s even enjoying ‘nri awoof’ (free meals) from you. He’s saving his own money and using t for something meaningful while you spend yours on him, not because you want to, but because he has succeeded in putting it into your head that he’s a very expensive trophy that must be worn. I know; you have to beat other contestants in this race.
Abeg (please), if you love yourself, stop acting Mrs. when you are yet to become one. Remain “Miss’ and ‘Ms.’ until your father gives his blessing. Don’t let your precious time be occupied by a man who may not be going anywhere with you after all the talks. Let him come for you whenever he is ready (if you are still available). But like I said, you can choose to be engaged for five years; his biological clock isn’t ticking; yours is. I just hope you don’t punish other innocent guys for the mistake of another which you are a party to.
Ladies, if he gets you engaged and no marriage plans after twelve months, please disengage yourself and be available. You can date him for as long as you (not him) want, but he shouldn’t talk about marriage until he is ready to be married. Many have been tied down; many have lost their future all in the name of ‘we are engaged’ and ‘I will marry you’.
Never lie to yourself. It’s good for you to go closer to your brothers and listen to them. Stop thinking you know everything when it’s obvious you are naive. Be in love, but please, take your brain along. Call it westernization or whatever you like, no amount of love or lust should make a responsible African lady to move in with a man who hasn’t shown respect to her father.
Diamonds are valued and cherished; they don’t come cheap. You are a diamond; a very rare diamond, if he wants you, let him pay the price to have you.
This has nothing to do with pride, it’s called self-worth and you should have it. As long as you are worth chasing after, stop chasing after him. A girl once came telling me that she was a live-in-love. Three years of free food and this guy did nothing. I advised her to move out and let him come whenever he wanted her. This very girl is intelligent and homely. Three weeks after she left, the guy ran to propose to her. Today, they are happily married with kids.
If he has everything he should be married for, why should he be in a haste for marriage? For sex, you give him ‘jara’ (bonus) because you must use that to keep him. Even if he wants a baby, your legs are wide open. Why then would he stress himself to have you when he already has you plus the extras?
Think again and give your parents the respect they deserve.
Author: Amara Van-Lare
Photo Courtesy: FacesofMalawi