One day we wake up to the realization that we are becoming lazy. I am not referring to being lazy with domestic chores, (although some of us are guilty of that too) but lazy with our marriages. Let us go down memory lane; remember when you were dating and courting and you had all these long talks about how many romantic things you will do when you get married, talks about how many dates you will go on, how nice and fun your marriage will be, how many times you will have sex in a day and in a week, how many kids you will have, how many times you will eat out and the list goes on…The question is how many of those things do you still do? How many have you ever done? Do you even still remember what it is to be romantic with our partners? Do we not now have a routine of waking up, going to work, taking care of the kids, making food, having a couple of discussions, some of us do a bit of kisses here and there, sex when you feel like or when we have the time (even that is becoming routine) and that is what we find ourselves doing day in day out. One day we wake up and life feels so boring and we wonder, why did we ever get married? What is so special about being married? Why was our relationship more fun when we were not married? The simple answer is, we got comfortable!
Even though we have heard it a thousand and one times marriage requires work, we still get comfortable. Our marriage is like our comfort zone, we love our spouses, we don’t have issues and we can focus on other aspects of our lives. What happens though when you get comfortable? The little things go unnoticed. We don’t put in the necessary work and hard work needed to make it work, we become to our partners like we were with our siblings. Your partner is not your brother/sister, he/she is your lover, that person you want to see anew every day, that person you want to fall in love with a thousand times, that person you want to be reminded of the reason you married them. How can this happen? Little gestures go a long way. Your partner gives you an unexpected kiss in front of everyone and though you feel embarrassed, it makes you gush on the inside because no matter how old we are, we still all need constant love, care, and affection and that always bring out the mushiness in us. What do you do differently in your marriage? What do you do out of the ordinary? It does not have to cost a fortune to make our home interesting. We do not have to rent a yacht or rent a Limousine (though we all would love that but not everyone can afford to do that every weekend); little gestures make a whole lot of difference.
I will be giving us a very long list of ideas on what we can do to spice it up a bit, to rekindle the fire and to keep the spark alive. Are you one of those people that used to be so much fun in your single days but left that part out of your home? Or you have just never been too much fun as a person? Whatever the case is, your marriage is what you make it. This is a person we will be living with for 50 years or more, why not make it fun while you still can. The fact that you married young is no excuse to watch your youthful days go by uneventful. Marriage is not meant to kill your spirit but to do the opposite because you now have somebody to share it with. Here go today’s pointers
Enjoy and make sure you do the practical;
1) Stop in the middle of a busy day and talk to your spouse for 15minutes.
2) Place your hands on your spouse’s leg when you are riding in the car.
3) Take a bath/ shower together.
4) Write the love story of how you met and get it printed and bound.
5) List your spouse’s best qualities in alphabetical order.
6) Park in a secluded area and kiss in your car yes, just like teenagers).
7) Place great emphasis on little changes concerning your partner’s appearance.
8) Give each other a bath just like you would a child.
9) Take a stroll together down the road.
10) Take your wife away from the kitchen while she is cooking and saunter her with kisses or do same for your husband while he is working on the system.
11) Bring home foods your wife loves eating but will not cook for herself.
12) Give each other back rubs.
13) Get a classic love story and watch it while cuddling under blankets.
14) Give your spouse a body massage.
15) Walk through model homes and dream about your next house.
16) Steal a kiss at the back of a door.
17) Turn the lights down during dinner.
18) Play music in your bedroom.
19) Shave for each other- face, underarms and your privates.
20) Remember to look into your spouse’s eyes while they tell you about their day.
21) When you are the one who is correct during a discussion, give your spouse a kiss. Focus on your love rather than who’s right.
22) Tell your spouse, I’m glad I married you”.
23) Fulfill one of your spouse’s fantasies.
24) Hug your partner from behind and give him/her a kiss on the back of the neck.
25) Create your own special holiday.
26) Become your partner’s cheerleader when they have had a terrible day
27) Tell your partner, “I love you because” (finish the sentence).
28) Show your partner affection while he/she is talking to one of their friends.
29) Do something your spouse loves to do even though it does not interest you personally.
30) Develop a code word for sex that you can use when you’re part of a crowd.
31) Pick up their clothes from the floor without saying a word about it ( at least once in a while, there is no point nagging about it every single day).
32) Stay at a hotel for the night for no reason at all.
33) Husbands, go to the market and do the shopping instead of your wife (make sure she gives you a list though).
34) Hug and kiss every time you say hello or goodbye.
35) Write a thank you note for all the things you take for granted.
36) Do the laundry together.
37) Get up to turn off the last light after you’re both comfy-cozy in bed.
38) Give an unexpected hug.
39) Kiss in a crowded area.
40) Declare your love very publicly.
Written by Tunde Oni (Mrs.)