There is no Biblical position on dating and many people have varying opinions about it (including Pastors, Ministers, and the like). I would like to share my thoughts on the matter. I feel dating should be approached with boundaries and in a way that helps us become better people. Dating can help you learn what you do and do not like, but only if you maintain clear and healthy boundaries.
Dating is an activity for getting to know people. It’s not for sex and using people to numb your pain or aloneness. In our contemporary times, many people date for sex or companionship or a variety of selfish reasons. I am suggesting that people should not see dating as a game, but as an opportunity to learn about self, people, and how to have a relationship. 23 things you need to know about dating
Dating may or may not lead to marriage… and that’s OK. Dating should be viewed as an acquaintance-level friendship with the possibility of deeper levels of friendship. The key is that you don’t allow your mind to wander into anything more than friendship. Even if your goal is to “Date to Marry,” you should slow yourself down and learn the value of developing a true friendship before really considering someone for anything more.
Often people enter dating with ideas of marriage, but don’t know the person very well or even understand what that person may want or desire. Some people will just desire sex from you and some will desire to use you until someone better comes along. You see, dating with boundaries will help you weed out people with wrong motives and help you avoid getting emotionally and physically involved with people who may lead you to a place of hurt and disappointment.
In dating, the motives are not always clear. If we place a premium on friendship, and not having sex or companionship, the motives will be made clear overtime. The problem we have is when people see dating as a recreational sport of sex, fun, variety, companionship and using people until someone else comes along.
Here are 23 things you need to know about dating:
1. Dating is not for having sex, using people, numbing your pain or dealing with aloneness.
2. Dating is not for having multiple sex partners or test driving sex to determine if the sex is good enough before we marry someone.
3. Dating is for getting to know people and establishing an acquaintance-level friendship with the possibility of deeper friendship.
4. If you remove the sex and do not rush into physical and emotional relationships you will get to know people in healthy ways.
5. Dating may or may not lead to marriage or courtship.
6. Dating is usually a result of physical attraction and not spiritual attributes.
7. In dating, people usually seek out people without seeking God for direction or an answer about the person they are considering.
8. If you don’t take your time with your dating approach, you increase your chances of being hurt and becoming bitter because of your pain.
9. Dating is often motivated by lust, aloneness, and emotional decision making. We need more people who approach dating in healthy ways and not from the standpoint of numbing pain or selfish reasons.
10. Dating is often a selfish activity where two people are not sure about who they are. We have to learn to love ourselves and become whole alone with God. Being happy alone is the prerequisite to having a happy relationship and marriage. No man or woman can do what God is supposed to be doing in your life and there is no way around it.
11. Dating can cause a lot of hurt. Thus, we must place a premium on becoming friends, prayer, and not having sex. We can’t allow our emotions to rule our decision making or allow selfishness to cause us to rush into relationships we are not ready for.
12.After dating for a while and establishing a true friendship based on common values and character, you can move into a deeper relationship known as “courtship.”
13. Courtship has the goal of marriage. Dating may or may not have marriage as the goal.
14. Dating is not the problem. The people doing the dating are the problem.
15. Dating will not hurt you if you do it the right way.
16. Don’t date if you can’t be happy alone or are seeking dating to numb deeper emotional wounds.
17. Dating will have you thinking the sex you are having is love when it’s really lust. This is caused by how you date, lack of maturity, and how you approach dating.
18. God has given us principles to live by and these principles can be applied in healthy dating.
19. Dating with selfish goals is wrong and will lead to you being hurt, disappointed, bitter and delusional about love.
20. Dating should be seen as something safe, not something that is risky. However, if we don’t apply boundaries it can become unsafe for our hearts. Please focus on safe and pure friendships during the dating process.
21. Even when dating does not lead to marriage, we should leave the situation knowing more about ourselves and who we are. It should not be just another disappointment or sex partner added to the belt.
22. Dating can help develop and improve your relationship skills.
23. God can use any relationship to teach, heal, and develop you for who is for you.
Bonus: Dating God is a better option for those who are not ready for a serious and healthy relationship
What have been your positive and negative dating experiences? What could you do to improve yourself and make dating a healthier experience?
Author: Quentin McCall
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