Relationship Matters: First Class Single Lady - Wedding Digest Naija
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Relationship Matters: First Class Single Lady

by Lola Onabowale

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I know the first thing that comes to your mind whenever people talk about first class is perfection and high class. You are not far from it if you believe she wants to talk about class. I am talking about class, first class, but from a different view. Please come along with me as we dig into this topic.
We always see the society ladies as the first class single ladies. We always want to equate first class singleness with wealth, material possessions, and comfort. We always look at those living in posh houses in good neighbourhoods. Young girls buy magazines just to watch the faces of our “society ladies”. We admire their dresses (even when they are rented or bought on credit).We admire them in their posh rides and houses even after they slept with all kinds of filthy men and engage in various crimes and atrocities just to get them.

Photo Courtesy - Fashion Bomb Daily

Photo Courtesy – Fashion Bomb Daily

Our society has so degenerated that girls now pray for one mugun to buy them a house. We no longer desire to work hard, make positive impact in our society, and then let our good works feed us. The girls are not to be blamed in totality because our parents have not helped matters. They compare their good daughters with the bad girls who are fully into prostitution in Lagos, Port Harcourt, and Abuja, with shops to cover up. This has turned our society to one with no regard for morals and cultural values.

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Like I said in one of my conferences in Accra, when you wake up and want to envy our so called celebrities whose lives are just about parties and men, please make up your mind to envy their steps to Babalawo.A friend told me a story sometime about a girl she met at the lobby of Transcorp Hilton. This girl, beautiful in her early twenties, is living big in the FCT.

Because she saw my friend with one of our Ex-Governors, she immediately wanted to be her friend. As they were talking, she opened up to her. This girl brought out a stick of eye-pencil and a little tube. According to her, all she needs do is to use that as a make-up and then look at any man she is interested in. All she does with the cream is applying it to her private part and sleep with that rich guy. Once this happens, the guy will drop whatever she wants. Is this the kind of life you want to live?
I am just talking about this to let you know that first class single is not what you take it to be. The lady you look up to in the media, fashion, banking, oil and gas, and movie industries may not be what you think she is. Before you call anyone your role model, ask God for a discerning spirit. A good number of ladies may never tell you, but they got to wherever they are the crooked way by stealing, cheating, and selling their body. Don’t get me wrong, we have very hardworking ladies who deserve every good life.
If my understanding of the word, “First Class Single “is not what you know it to be, what then is it? I will tell you the true meaning and qualities of a first class single.
God first; not man. Before you can find yourself in this level of life, you must have two things:
Fear of God

High self-esteem

You can never discover yourself until you first discover God. You can go ahead and give me names of people who made it without God. Hear this; you can climb to the top of the highest mountain, but if you don’t get there with God, you are bound to crash-land.
When I talk about the fear of God, I am not talking about religion and denominations. I mean a very personal relationship with God. This is not about religious rites and observation of religious seasons. The fear of God is the only thing that can cause you to be in the secret that which you are in the open.

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Self-esteem is what will make you know that you can survive without any man. I believe we need each other to survive. I believe in the saying; man is God to man. I know that sometimes God raises men to take us through a particular phase of our lives. I totally agree with you if you think you need that man to survive. But I am going to disagree with you if you tell me you cannot survive without him.

I see so many women under bondage because a man is taking care of the bills. I once told you a story about a very beautiful young girl who recently won a beauty pageant. This girl graduated the same year with me, but has never done anything meaningful with her life since then. She lives in a house built by this married man, drives the best of cars, and travels round the world. To you this is life, but I also ask; where is she ending up after all these? Even the pageant she recently won came with a price-she must sleep with the CEO of the company if her face must appear on the billboard. I know this very well because my kid sister went through it, got to the point of being the queen, but she couldn’t go beyond that stage because she refused to pay the ultimate price (hope our beauty queens read this).
Self esteem will make you walk out of any relationship that makes you another piece of furniture. I write from the Christian perspective because I am a Christian who doesn’t know much about the Quran. Remember the story of Ruth and Esther in the Bible. The future looked gloomy to them and they didn’t know what the future holds. But they made up their minds to take a step out of their different positions to a place of hopelessness. At the end, they were blessed-Jesus Christ came from the lineage of Ruth while Esther became a queen.
I know you are worried about your future without that man. I know you don’t want to be in that relationship, but you see yourself tied to it. You have looked at the future and it looks dark without him, but if you know who you are and what is in you, you will take a walk. What should bother you most in this life should be what God thinks about you and if His presence is with you, every other thing will definitely fall in place someday.
I see so many ladies regret and mourn their singleness. Singleness does not mean loneliness. You can only be lonely and incomplete when you choose to. I am not trying to discourage people from getting married because marriage to the right partner is the most beautiful thing that can happen to any woman.

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But I want to let you know that singleness should be a time to develop yourself holistically in education, business, ministry, career, etc. Single ladies get frustrated and depressed because they fail to understand the reason for singleness. If you fail to discover yourself as a single girl; you will make life miserable for whoever gets involved with you. Ruth was busy with her job and chosen career when Boaz met her. She was not partying and dancing away her life. Ruth was busy with her hands. Girl; you have to find your place in destiny. God created you for something and He can only bless you when He finds you diligent in your work.
Are you reading this now and you feel like she is talking only to the educated ones? Do you tell yourself that nothing good can come out of Nazareth? Read this story; a distant cousin was living in a mud house with her mother who is a widow. She, being the only child always goes to the farm immediately after school. She didn’t know how to further her education; her school uniform was torn and patched all over.

A day came that on her way from the farm, a young medical doctor who came in from the USA saw her and instantly fell in love with her. Today, she is in the USA, working as a nurse and her mum has been with them since then. You could be the instrument God will use to bring your parents out of poverty.

You may think you must have to do certain things to survive. I know you are there as a house help, but remember He lifts the poor out of the dunghill and I know God is able to move you from that grass to grace and glory.
Singleness is not a time for partying and man hunting. It is not a time to look for precious souls to destroy. It is not a time to visit different occult homes for devilish powers. Singleness is not a time to follow men all over the country aimlessly. It is not a time to travel abroad with a man who is growing his business while you waste away in the name of enjoyment. Make sure you have a good reason to travel. The money he keeps throwing at you won’t do much for you. If he loves you that much, let him help you to start doing the fishing yourself.

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Have you bothered asking why those men are not giving you something good for you to be independent? They will give you good money, but they will ever put you under their oppressing arms. Young girl, develop yourself.
Many single ladies believe they must sleep with a man before marriage. If they keep testing and going, how many of them are you going to sleep with before the right one comes? Please don’t make yourself a testing ground for men. What if you decide to test him before marriage and immediately after the marriage, something happens? This is why we shouldn’t try to take the place of God.

A woman I know very well lost a wonderful man who refused sleeping with her before marriage. When I confronted her, she came up with the question; what if I blindly marry him only to discover he is not a man? She later got married to another guy who slept with her, got her pregnant and dumped her immediately after the marriage. The other man today is happily married with two wonderful children.
Another thing you should learn to do as a single woman is to stop running from one big church to the other. A lot of single ladies do this with the mindset that if they join a big church and become a chorister, men will see them. The right man will see you wherever you are, even in the most hidden place.

If you are a single mother and wants to remarry, don’t accept anything for a husband just because you need a companion. I see ladies get into marriage with very rich men because they believe it is for their children. Don’t you know God can bless you for you to become a blessing to your children? Look for a man who understands and believes in you. Be happy and get busy with something meaningful. The right man will someday come, but you have to trust God and say this to him; Give me your best.

Author: Amara Blessing

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58 comments

Ade November 23, 2013 - 8:31 am

U don’t need to start a write up giving voice to those ladies or men using charms or crooked way to get to the top. I believe there are many more hardworking folks than them so please celebrate them first.

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susan November 23, 2013 - 8:42 am

Wow this is a mind blowing article. Thank you so much Amara, May God Bless You. As if you are in my mind, seems as if I wrote this. Hope we ladies will learn from this.

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Frank Queen November 23, 2013 - 8:58 am

Yes ooo thanks a lot Blessing my nameseek..God give me the best father you know am your baby and I will always look up to u. Am so happy being a partaker of this.

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aisha abdu November 23, 2013 - 9:17 am

Intigued, highly educating

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Bolanle November 23, 2013 - 9:26 am

Wow, this is mindblowing, God bless u Amara for this. U r a blessing to this generation already. Lord I look up to u and ask for ur best, I aint going nowhere cos I won’t settle for less.

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ug November 23, 2013 - 9:54 am

Nice one

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Adeola November 23, 2013 - 9:56 am

Wow! Wow! i admire your boldness for speaking about this issue cos i thought i was the only only one seeing this, i didn’t know there are others out there. do know your write up has encouraged & blessed me. I appreciate you once again, keep up the good work.

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dammy November 23, 2013 - 9:58 am

Thanks 4 d wonderful write up………God bless u Amara

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Peace November 23, 2013 - 11:57 am

Thanks for the write up, I am inspired.

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Name* November 23, 2013 - 12:08 pm

Indeed a mind blowing word of admirations nd full of thoughts.. Hmm I am thinking aloud! God bless U Amara

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Emma Udoh November 23, 2013 - 1:40 pm

I’m really blessed to have come across this. God bless the writer and reader.

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kristyhjean November 23, 2013 - 2:39 pm

Beautiful Article

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charity November 23, 2013 - 4:45 pm

Can’t read dis enough so inspired,am really encourge. may God bless u nd gv u more wisdom nd knwledge IJN.love u Amara

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wunmi November 23, 2013 - 10:12 pm

well said, very inspiring, may God continue to u.

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blessing November 24, 2013 - 7:16 pm

This is an interesting article, am inspired, keep it up namesake and God will continue to bless u.

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Tomi November 25, 2013 - 8:46 am

Lovely write-up…touching too. God bless you.

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Nike November 25, 2013 - 8:58 am

I must say dis d best write-up have read in my entire life..will nice..we need more of dis.
THANK YOU!!

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sarah November 25, 2013 - 9:23 am

Wow! I love this! This is beautiful. Thanks.

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Becky November 25, 2013 - 9:39 am

Comment
Amara,you are too much.May God richly bless you.

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Ashani November 25, 2013 - 10:19 am

I will keep this write up and red over and over again.it really touched me @ d right spot nd time.Ave learn a lot from this.thank u so much.

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Ashani November 25, 2013 - 10:21 am

I will keep this write up and read over and over again.it really touched me @ d right spot nd time.Ave learn a lot from this.thank u so much.

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Tutsie November 25, 2013 - 11:30 am

dis is a great write up. May God strengthen n bless u….

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Joy November 25, 2013 - 12:00 pm

Just like your name is Amara (Grace) may God continue to give you the Grace to write really sensible write ups like dis. you go girl, Nice!!!!

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J-Girl November 25, 2013 - 1:21 pm

Thank you Amara and Lola.
Really inspiring article. The focus is on-point.

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Abimbola November 25, 2013 - 1:23 pm

Inspiring…

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olabisi November 25, 2013 - 2:01 pm

So intresting Amara,God will continue to give you more knowldge

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Vickkie November 26, 2013 - 2:44 pm

this is indeed a soul opener. so so inspiring. tanx lots Amara.

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kareen November 26, 2013 - 2:45 pm

I love this, what a great write up!

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Chinenye Ogbodo November 26, 2013 - 3:33 pm

i love this what a great write up(God bless you for this) i love you keep the good work,more power to your elbow

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chidinma November 27, 2013 - 8:47 am

I love this what a good write up

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Temmy December 10, 2013 - 10:32 pm

Very nice article, thanks for inspiring and encouraging me today.

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Arc. Oshodi Lanre January 10, 2014 - 8:14 am

This is wonderful keep it up…I hope our ladies will listen and change.

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olayinka January 10, 2014 - 8:23 am

Wow!Wow!Wow!,I’m so intrigued by dis wonderful piece. God bless u Amara 4 dis. More Grace.

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Dido January 10, 2014 - 8:51 am

A mind blowing article. I hope ladies can learn from this and very touching stories. Wow!!! Also,lovely biblical backups.God bless u. Thanks 4 d piece Amara. Kudos!!!

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omobolanle olajumoke January 10, 2014 - 12:42 pm

Sis blessin I really appriciate ur words more grace 2 ur elbow.I pray 2 God 2 lead my way 2 d right path.

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Chidimma January 10, 2014 - 5:53 pm

Really a nice article. I have really learnt it. Its touching. Continue to be a blessing to the world.

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victor Nwajiagu January 10, 2014 - 10:39 pm

Blessed are you, if u know this truth and do them, one thing is to know and write this, but if it tailor ur life, then u r most blessed. I love it

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everlyne January 11, 2014 - 7:06 am

Sister, God bless u, u re real, may the Lord increase more wisdom.Exceeding knowledge, that’s very encouraging to every woman working hard.like me.tnx am really blessed and l can do everything with a man

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bunmi January 11, 2014 - 9:48 am

MoTivating and inspirational…. It thought somethings

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Yori B February 12, 2014 - 10:01 pm

nice one

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Jessica May 12, 2014 - 8:28 am

Amara, thanks for dis beautiful writeup. U’ve encouraged me.

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zheinarb May 27, 2014 - 9:09 am

Thumbs up! Really inspiring. GBU

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Sola May 27, 2014 - 10:31 am

This is wonderful, well inspiring. You re indeed a blessing

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princess bussy May 27, 2014 - 11:30 am

Wow! Great article. Now I know d gud meaning of first class lady. More wisdom. It so inspiring I love it. Kudos to u Amara

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afia May 27, 2014 - 12:05 pm

Such a nice advice,well noted God blessed u.

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chika May 27, 2014 - 1:32 pm

This is indeed good

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flora May 27, 2014 - 8:10 pm

Thanks so much,God bless u for this…its really educating

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anne May 27, 2014 - 11:07 pm

Beautiful and inspiring. I was just envying a friend who goes out with all the guys in the neighbourhood.

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Ugbaja Mercy June 7, 2014 - 12:53 pm

Such an interestin article,l’m really inspired nd l believe dat oue single gurls out deir wil read it nd knw dat nt al dat gliters are Gold….May God bless u.

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adefunke June 7, 2014 - 4:03 pm

This is indeed a mind blowing write up…am so blsd 4 bin a partaker of this article. Kudos 2 d writer nd God bless u richly

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Olayiwola Ifeoluwa July 2, 2014 - 8:28 pm

Your words really made my day…*FACTS*….Thumbs up

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marian January 17, 2015 - 8:24 am

This is inspiring, a big lesson for me. Thank you Jesus

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vivian January 17, 2015 - 1:17 pm

Nice one, this is really food for thought. If only we. Ladies will adhere to it.

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debby January 17, 2015 - 7:51 pm

Nice write up,dis message is for me cuz dat was what am facing,but with dis ma motive change #GodblessuAmara#more grease to ur elbow

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Osasodia1 January 18, 2015 - 4:37 pm

Very good write-up, #inspiring, #singleladies #Wewillshinensmile.

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Olajumoke January 19, 2015 - 7:08 am

Over a year ago and still blessing lifes. What more can I say that is yet unsaid. The Sky is too low to be your limit. keep up the good work.

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Nella May 22, 2015 - 6:14 am

Best and inspiring write up,is giving me so much strength.Thank You so much.

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bolanle abubakar May 22, 2015 - 7:06 am

Thank you

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