Sometimes, it sounds very theoretical when we are told that, “Silence is golden” especially in our homes. It rings untrue and unrealistic as there are too many things to be said but the fact is that we really begin to make progress when we start to increase the level of our silence.
Now don’t get me wrong, effective communication is the bedrock of a good home, we need to speak to our partners to let them know what we are thinking and not just assuming they have superpowers and the power to read minds. What I am addressing here is knowing when to speak and knowing when to keep that ever speaking mouth of ours shut. Why do we feel the compulsion to speak when our anger is fueled and on the rise. We then speak words that can never be taken back. Why is it that when our bosses at work get us angry, we decide to keep quiet and take it in stride but when it is our spouse, we just cannot let it go. When we need to discuss an issue that annoys us with our bosses, we take time to meditate on our words before presenting them but in our homes, we speak first and think later.
Too many homes have become a shadow of themselves because words have been spoken out of turn or simply at the wrong time. Why is it that we always end up telling our partners, “but you know I didn’t mean it”. If indeed our home is our greatest treasure, why do we not guard it with all diligence? Life and death are in the power of the tongue, you will either make or mar your home with it. My point is, at the point when you feel like saying things like, “I regret marrying you”, or “you are a disgrace to womanhood or manhood”, or “go jump in the ocean” or “I curse the day I met you” or “to hell with you” or “this marriage is a sham”, name them… why not keep quiet instead and take a moment to yourself and see if you still want to say those words when you feel better because the truth is saying those words never makes us feel better. We most often than not want to say something to make them feel pain like we are feeling or express our anger and then we spend the next one month or more trying to make up for those words, trying to erase what we have said with our good actions as if we have the power to do so.
Now is a good time to give a scenario- Say it’s your birthday and you’re having a little party with friends in your home, nothing fancy, just a few friends. Your spouse had to leave home to go to work briefly and was supposed to bring the cake on his/her way back. At 5 pm when the guests arrive, he/she sends a text that the meeting at work is taking longer but says,”I promise, I’ll be there before you know it, I have the cake already”. A few hours later, the guests have all gone home, the party has ended, the cake never came and your spouse walks in with no apology and no remorse. I would say that is a good time to be silent, take your time, address the issue at a time when you don’t feel so much hurt because if you say it as you feel, you would most likely say things that would make you have to apologize later.
Silence is golden and it is a vital weapon for the wise. So let’s live, love and learn because the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted!!!
Written by Tunde Oni (Mrs.)