After dating for whether 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 3 years or 6 years and overcoming the whole wedding euphoria, you get settled into home life and face the real world. Day by day different situations come up: the cooking and feeding, the sex, the companionship, the finances and the likes. One day, you have an issue or a misunderstanding or a big decision to make and your spouse makes a point or voices his/her opinion and you just cannot believe he/she said that and that is when you truly see for yourself the kind of person you married. At that moment you realize that you are just truly seeing him/her for the 1st time. You tell yourself you never saw this before you married but the truth is you saw the tip of the iceberg before marriage and now you are encountering the full manifestation…
Let me paint a simple picture here: While you were engaged to be married, his mother was sick and he never told you and you somehow find out and asked why and he says,” Oh babe, I just did not want to bother you about my family problems”. After you get married it is going to become,” Madam, please don’t involve yourself in my family issues, it is not your place”. That is not to say he does not love you, he just does not feel it is really your place!!! So that is a simple picture, there are worst case scenarios like when your partner is not expressive, does not share his/her feelings, keeps too many friends, unfaithful, ‘nonspiritual’, cannot cook, does not like sex, stingy, wasteful, name them… You saw it before you married him my dear, you just could not put a name to it.
For some people, it is unbearable and that is the end of the marriage but for us who have chosen to walk this path come rain come shine, we gather our strength and forge ahead. At least you know him/her a little better now. You know your partner isn’t perfect and you learn how to live around it. Bear in mind, you cannot change him/her just by complaining about it. You can talk about it and it might change in time, you can pray about it and you can just learn to live with it because in reality, he/she might just never change and 30 years down the line, you realize you have lived with it all your life and that the love you feel is beyond all of the imperfections because truth be told, many of us actually have worse characters than our spouses.
So let’s live, love and learn because the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted.
Photography: Dotun Ayodeji
Written by Tunde Oni (Mrs)