Okay, you have said yes to the proposal, you already have an idea of what you want your wedding to look like and all hell break loose when you tell your mother you don’t want a big wedding. She reminds you of how she has to invite some lost relatives she has not seen for a long time and how your uncle younger sister husband will be angry if he is not there (trust our mothers). It’s important to realize, however, that these sweet, loving moms really do have your best interest at heart and they are not coming from an evil place. While you’ve been thinking about your wedding since the day your fiancé slipped that ring on your finger, your mom has been thinking about your wedding ever since she knew she was having a girl. So how can you tell your mothers not to invite the whole village to your wedding? Truth is you cannot win with our mothers but these are a few steps that will help you to manage the situation.
- It’s important to be strong and protect your plans for the wedding that you want. It’s all about being diplomatic and assertive and knowing how best talk to your mom (know her mumu button). You have to take it upon yourself to be the leader in negotiating how things are going to go.
- Have a heart to heart talk with her. Your discussion can be reflective of the fact that you do really love your mom; even if you are momentarily at odds then you list all the things she wants that you are not looking at doing at your wedding. Once you’ve let it all out, close with another loving comment that encourages your mom to embrace a solution – one that will allow you to have the wedding of your dreams.
- Make sure you are on the same page with your fiancé, you both should agree on the type of wedding you both want. Standing together as a couple from the beginning is the key to making both a wedding and a marriage work—one that no mother or mother-in-law can tear apart. However challenging your confrontation might be, don’t lose sight of whose wedding day it is. Ultimately, it’s your time to shine, and you have the ability to create the environment you want to shine in.
- Leave room for their ideas. Just because you know what you want doesn’t mean everything your Mother suggests is a bad idea. They may see ideas you miss or may have creative solutions for some planning problems.
- Give them a project. The easiest way to manage your need-to-be-involved mom is putting them in charge of a task or two that you know they love doing (like going to the market for Aso-Ebi). Her knowledge might actually make the vetting process easier. Giving an area of the wedding to focus on which will help them feel included, wanted, and needed — which is likely all they really want anyways.
- Smile and say you’ll consider their ideas. This may be the hardest thing to do, but it’s important to listen to all ideas and concerns (no matter how ridiculous) and consider them carefully. However, it’s also important not to promise to do anything. Don’t agree to invite anyone, wear something different or change plans unless you fully intend to go through with it. Breaking promises will definitely cause hurt feelings.
- Remain in control. You’re an adult! In the end, this is your day, and you don’t want to spend the rest of your life wishing that you had done something differently because you appeased your overbearing mom or in-law. Your parents should want to see you happy, so even if they are upset about you doing things your way at first, in the end they will come around.
In the end, our mothers are our biggest supporters and they really love us, which is why they act that way. Do you have any experience involving your mothers, kindly drop a comment on how you handled it.
Author: Yetunde Opaleye